Dear Wisdom:

Then the thread you started today counts as the-assignment-of-today. I like that thread!

About acting class, you choose If and When. If, and when you are ready. This is the benefit of being your own person, practicing reasonable control over your life: you get to decide what is best for you at any one time.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

Well, like I wrote on the other thread, he has no idea what’s behind that short message from you, and I don’t know how he would have reacted if he had an idea. For him it could be just a “hi”- after all, he has no way of knowing. This is making me think, if it was destiny wouldn’t he know what’s behind the “hi”- makes me think of destiny as another type of magical/ convenient/ feel good thinking that is not realistic.

As to your post on Joe’s thread, i didn’t want to answer there so not to make our communication take over his thread. Here is what you wrote: “… maybe it is all a ploy to make lots of people greedy and selfish”- It is a ploy when someone is trying to sell something, to financially profit from people employing magical thinking, absolutely. “or just batcrap crazy” – that too.

“…does this only work for certain people?’ like how some people are just born gifted, is this part of a gift?” people who are “gifted” with athletic or musical talent by their genes. And they develop such genetic talent through practice and perseverance.

“… maybe selectively, by god, we’re able to do certain things or just…more special?” god has nothing to do with our genetic talents. Not more than a zebra being born with a long, long neck. Is it more special than an … elephant who doesn’t have a long neck? Maybe the zebra thinks (if it thought) those ears are quite cool!

“…it would be lovely as hell if we could just think of all the good things we want and have them, but as far as my 19 years go, i don’t even know. i don’t know if it’s real or just a fantasy thing.” Yes, it would be lovely if we could make things happen by simply thinking about it. That would be magical, not real. Life is real though, not magical. You are not the only one, Wisdom. I too had big dreams. i told you: being rich and famous. I too thought about it and felt a lot about it, wanted it desperately. But it didn’t happen because thinking doesn’t make things happen, plus I do not have a genetic gift to … match my dreams.

“and only lately am i trying things on my own so i won’t know the answer until i get answers myself.”- This is the independent thinking Wisdom I wrote about earlier today!

“but as far as i’m concerned, it’s a scheme and only leaves everybody stuck in their dreams day and night. in their dreams and their nightmares at the same time.” – beautifully articulated: “stuck in their dreams… and their nightmares at the same time”- wow! Well phrased! This is what magical thinking brings us, dreams and nightmares.

Better see reality as it is: it is not as beautiful as our dreams, but it is not as bad as our nightmares. it is hard at first to see things as they are but you get used to it. It is not as bad as you think… definitely not as bad as the nightmares that interrupt the dreams of magical thinking!

anita

Dear Wisdom:

He doesn’t know you, that guy. If all he has is a superficial communication from you and maybe a photo of you, he has very little. Sure, a beautiful looking girl does turn heads, most often. Guys often go nuts for looks and a sexy look. A fact of life. But what would it have meant if your photo was that of a supermodel type in a small bikini and he responded. What would that have meant? Only that he liked your body. And what does that mean? Is that the love you are looking for? A man to go gaga for a female body?

Knowing you as much as I do through our communications, I know that there is a lot to you, more than your body. First I am sure that you look good enough. Maybe not a perfect supermodel type, but hey, even they often don’t think they look good enough and their looks are corrected before presented in a magazine or a movie.

Back to you, there is much more to you, a whole person, a thinking, feeling young woman, an independent thinker, stubborn and insistent, persistent… honest, authentic. Truly, you will be a … blessing to a man who will be deserving to have you in his life.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

You are welcome. Knowing you as much as I do, I don’t believe there is a reason why other people, and a young man, would not like to get to know you. There really is no reason not to want to know you and not to like you. Not that I can see.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I do like it when you assert yourself and very much encourage it, so when you need time off, I respect that, of course! Take any amount of time you need, be it a few hours, a few days, a week… any amount of time you need. I will be thinking about you and looking forward to get a post by you. If I get one tomorrow morning, I will be happy. If it is a week from now, I will be happy. I definitely want to go on and on and on communicating with you! I definitely do.

There is nothing more difficult than changing beliefs, understanding of life… nothing more difficult. If this is what you are doing, you are very courageous to be doing it. Most courageous. Please be patient and gentle with yourself, because this kind of changing, this kind of figuring things out… is quite heroic, really.

Till your next post, please do take care of yourself. Part of me worries about you, want to hold your hand and walk with you along the way… Part of me is excited for you.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I do not support in any way, shape or form that you contact this man online the way you have last time. It is only asking for trouble for yourself. It is like looking up to the sky, picking up one of the stars (I did that many times as a child and teenager) and saying to the star: save me, rescue me! If you don’t, I will die. There is no reason for me to live!

And you give all your faith and hope to the star…. and truth is (you want the truth!)- the star does not care about you because it is a star, not a person, and the star doesn’t even know you. It doesn’t know or care. It couldn’t and wouldn’t. It is up there, being a star. Not a personal savior of you. It doesn’t even know your entire hope is dependent on it.

You do want the truth, Wisdom. So it occurred to me just now that I can give you some truth that I did not give to you before, in this particular way:

You feel that you are a fool. You wrote that many times, in the above post and before. The truth is that you are a fool. But not for the same reasons you think you are a fool (and that is in itself foolish, not knowing the reason you are a fool).

The true reason you are a fool is that you are expecting a man who does not know hardly anything about you, to care for you, to know that your whole life is dependent on him. He doesn’t know it and has no way of knowing it. So that is foolish of you to expect so much from someone online who does not know you.

It is foolish to put your trust in a person out there that.. not only doesn’t know you, but you don’t know him.

It is also foolish of you to believe you are ugly and worthless- but to expect a random person who has no idea who you are, to change your belief is very foolish.

So, if you are desperate enough to not even want to live, are you desperate enough to drop the foolishness and give life a chance without the foolishness? Are you desperate enough to live up to the name you chose for yourself: Wisdom?

anita