Dear Wisdom:

i am glad you are not a saint and I would be even gladder if you didn’t try to be a saint. A saint as I understand it and as you suggested, is someone who thinks of others before thinking of oneself. This is nice sometimes, in some circumstances but not as a lifelong .. policy. In airplanes, as a passenger, you are told that in case of emergency, when there is no oxygen in the plane, you are to put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST and only then put it on another person, even your child! Because if you try to put in on a child’s face first you will suffocate and die and will not help the child survive further.

When it makes sense to take care of yourself first, you do it because it makes sense. Evaluate different situations: does it make sense in this situation? What about in that situation?

Saintly here and there, okay, but in great moderation, Wisdom.

If you do take care of yourself first most of the time, your motivation will improve, so will your creativity and courage to live.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

Asking for a job definitely counts as an assignment. What job is it you asked for?

And the mirror exercise, please do it again! I am glad you want to try it again! Say the same things to yourself, or say other loving things to yourself, as if you were a little girl that you are talking to… the little girl that you were only a few years ago.

And do let me know how it goes!

anita

Dear Wisdom:

That definitely counts as the assignment of the day! The mirror exercise would be … special credit then.

Later:
anita

Dear Wisdom:

Good job on the assignment of the day and the extra credit!

I don’t fully understand your thoughts about who is being truthfully beautiful and perfect..

You asked: “Is there anybody that is really and truthfully beautiful?” Physically, you mean?

“Anyone that is very perfect”- you mean physically?

Regarding you feeling that everyone else is better than you and can do better than you- I know that feeling. I had it most of my life and found out, late in life, that it was never true. It is amazing that a person can go through decades of life believing the wrong thing. If I trusted my knowing what was right for me, instead of looking for others (who did not know better or didn’t care about me anyway!) to tell me what I should do, I would have had a much… much better life.

I remember you wrote before that you feel that others are trying to take away from you.. I think it has to do with your brother taking the attention away from you, unfortunately. You not getting positive attention and he did get it..

And no, people are not better than you, Wisdom. Nobody is better than you and I mean it! Nobody on this forum, nobody in the whole state of New York… nobody is better than you.

And indeed time is limited but that doesn’t stop a lot of people from waiting and waiting and…waiting some more, waiting for all kinds of things. There are plenty of adult children waiting for their parents to change and finally approve of them (even until old age!) And there are wives waiting for their husbands to change… and the other way around. And bored people waiting for something exciting to happen.

Waiting is really not abnormal or uncommon.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I realized others don’t know more than I do what I need and a lot of other things. I don’t think of myself as perfect though, not at all. I never was perfect, I am not perfect and never will be… and nobody is! Why would I be the exception?

As far as is anyone truthfully beautiful, physically… it is a matter of personal taste, preference. Once YOU are okay with how you look, this would be a moment of true beauty.

About different religions, beliefs building up a personality? A self sacrificing (saint) kind, a guilty kind, a fearful kind… and at times a calm type (right after coming out of church)- are a few that come to mind.

You are welcome and indeed, nobody is better than you, Wisdom. This is simply a fact, nothing but reality. I am sure of it.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I think we should love ourselves, that is be on our side, take care of our needs, respect ourselves, be patient and gentle with ourselves all the time, before, during and after someone else loves us. Always be on our side.

If you don’t take care of yourself and get involved with another, as a friend, a boyfriend and expect that person to make you feel good all the time, then there is trouble. Lots and lots of people have friends and husband/ wife and at the same time feel insecure and miserable.

It is not up to a friend, even a true friend, to make you okay with yourself. It is your job. No one else can do it for you even if they try.

Does this answer your question? If not, let me know, ask again, more clearly?

anita

Dear Wisdom

As long as you are on your own side, your own best friend, your own best care taker… It is secondary whether you are in a relationship or have a friend. The thing is always be those things to yourself, whether in a relationship or not, whether alone or with others. It is not selfish to be on your side, to take care of yourself. It is natural and it is wise.

Looking forward to read about your day and the assignment of the day!

anita

Dear Wisdom:

You waved to her when she first came into the classroom: this does count as the assignment of the day. You may still do extra credit, if you’d like, but it would be extra.

I like the idea of you looking for and finding a job, any job that is doable for you, as part time as it may be, even a couple of hours a week. Something doable that will not harm you. That would be really, really nice, a good thing.

anita