thank you anita! and for challenge of the day, i think would be one of my biggest of all for me personally: putting my attitude of resent toward my family behind. i always end up feeling like i’m lacking something or maybe if my life went a little differently than it had things would be better, and i tend to show a bit of aloofness, but today i put it behind no matter how i felt. i didn’t feel good for me, i did it for my parents because i do love them and i never want to hurt them.

that’s gonna be something to remember, just to not feel restricted to feel anything. people have a funny way of making you feel like you’re in the wrong if you’re too passionate about something and if you’re upset or unwilling to go with the flow of whatever they’re passionate.

oh! and the guy i like sent me something today! but he was kind of…working so i decided not to send anything this time since he seemed busy. it wasn’t a message, not a hi or anything, just a simple video he sent me through snapchat. i’m still thinking of ways i could talk to him in the future though and if i ever do, you’ll definitely know about it and how it went.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Wisdom.

anita –

today wasn’t too progressive. just another lazy sunday, unfortunately. i couldn’t think of a task i could take on to do, but there’s tomorrow. how are you?

the only thing i can think of is earlier this morning sending the guy i like something and then getting no answer. then he sant me something a few hours ago, but this time i sent something in reply and there was no answer. my next step for a while is just not to say anything really lol! i’m just tired of pushing myself if there’s gonna be nothing to come of it. not that i’m done waiting, but i’m done scaring myself for nothing haha!

sure! i’ll do it right before bed (not too far from now) and let you know!

anita –

i just did the task, although it was mainly in a more self-affirmative than a self talk way. but don’t you think that self-love is pretty selfish? i never understood it. i understand that we should be happy with ourselves and have respect for ourselves but i always felt like maybe self-love was a selfish kind of thing. not to say what you wanted me to do for myself was wrong, i understand it, but i’m just asking in an all around way of self love. i wanted to know what you thought about it in that light.

giving out all the cookies without having any yourself is saint status! i think that’s what’s best. to make sure other people are okay or better than okay before you are. i’m not sure why but i’ve always felt that way. do i act this way all the time? no maybe sometimes i’ll eat 2 cookies just like everyone else, but i’d never go and eat all 10.

but almost anytime, most of the time, i’m making sure everyone else gets something before i do.

another thing i wanted to ask you was, how can we stop being sloths? how can we stop being lazy and scared? should we just push through like this challenge with fear or is there something more we should do to stop just…being lazy and tired and sometimes close to giving up.

anita –

oh no i wasn’t saying i was a saint! i just try to do the most right thing. i try to put others before myself, but i wouldn’t call myself a saint.

and i can imagine it being scary not having anyone to take care of you, but i always feel like any level of indulgence in the self is pretty…selfish. not overly selfish all the time. like you could go to the mall today and get yourself a nice pair if jeans if you want. if you feel you want to be happy or self appreciated, then that’s a good thing to do, but are there other things we can think about besides ourselves? is there anybody we could think about besides ourselves at times like that?

motivation i’d say comes in spurts. random days, random times. i take motivation as a blessing. like when i draw. i can’t draw (good) EVERY single day, but when that one day or one moment comes, whenever it wills, that’s a blessing. i think to be able to just have masterpieces coming out your ass is like a basquiat blessing. he could just paint and paint all day all night seeming to have every piece come out beautifully.