Dear Wisdom:

You wrote to me about him that he is not interested in a relationship and that he is disgusted by the concept of love. I suppose you learned that about him from your online communication with him. Are you interested in a relationship with him? If so, are you hoping to change his mind from not being interested in a relationship?

Figure out first what it is that you want: a relationship with him? What kind?

Once you have a clear enough picture of what you want, you can proceed and I will try to help you in the process. So, waiting for your answer.

anita

Dear Wisdom:

You can let him know with words you type, just like you type on this thread. You express yourself clearly to me so I know you can be clear with anyone.

You can type it for him to read: “I like you very much and I want to be your friend. Maybe your girlfriend but first and foremost your friend.” This is an example. You write it your way, not too long, short enough and clear. You can even send me a first draft if you’d like input on it. Then Final Draft and hit that Send button.

It is an option that will give you (and I am not an optimistic person) 5% chances of success, that is that he will respond and indicate he wants to be your friend, at the least, and follow with more intimate and frequent communication with you. 5% which is 5 more than the zero percents you have now.

If you don’t communicate with him, you can keep waiting. If you do communicate and succeed, a new door is open for you, a possibility to grow and experience more of life. If he does not respond or does not respond positively, you stop waiting.

Remember my stories about my long time crush in high school, Robert? There is nothing good that I got from not having him walk me home that evening and nothing good by focusing on my nose that whole date. And all those years and decades that I was too afraid to live, there was no benefit to it. I learned nothing. I was just frozen in fear. No living, no learning. Nothing but a waste of life, youth.

If you are at all considering sending him a clear, direct message- you must be prepared some for a possible no response or a rejection. You can prepare yourself. But if you do send him a clear message, you will be honoring yourself. You will feel the exhilaration of victory, victory over the fear.

And I will be here for you, if you honor yourself with the assertion I am suggesting, here for you to express your anxiety and worry and hurt, whatever you feel.

But the victory of doing what you were too afraid to do before: what can top that?

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I understand. Maybe you can get to know each other better online? Ask a small question here and there? Like I wrote before, I wouldn’t want you to do something when you may not be able to handle the results. If you took my suggestion in my last post and he rejected you, I will not be there physically with you to hold your hand and I may not even be online every moment of the despair you will feel. This is why it is important that you will initiate such a thing only if you are prepared for the possible rejection. Not before. And maybe not at all- your choice.

When I give you a suggestion like the one I have, I am not invested, wishing and hoping you will take it. Reason is that I respect your choices very much, your independent thinking, your ideas, understandings.

Till later-
anita

Dear Wisdom:

I strongly believe you are correct in your observation. Indeed there is very little love in the world and this is why there is so much misery. Problem is you are born loving and lovable AND you get hurt being loving. You get rejected, ignored. It hurts terribly. And you get discouraged, understandably. Thing is being loving is in our nature, we need to love and be loved. And it is also true that many, many people are not loving, not anymore.

So we look for the people capable of loving us and stay away from those who can’t or won’t.

I too thought I was worthless, not worthy of being loved. I didn’t understand that I wasn’t loved not because I wasn’t worthy of being loved but because … there is so little of it in the world.

Will be back in a few hours. Take care of yourself!

anita

Dear Wisdom:

Material items can make us happy for a short time. Maybe. Sometimes. Doing something for ourselves, like taking a hot bath? That can be relaxing and relaxing is good for us. Doing something to make us happy, like the time you contacted the guy online, simply because you did something you were afraid to do before- that did make you happy! For a short time.

There is no such thing as living “happily ever after.” Best you, Wisdom, accept your life just like it is now. All of it, every bit of it just as it is. Be okay with it even if this is all that it will ever be.

Then look at your life tomorrow, look around, pay attention to an opportunity to do something different, to do something that is a bit scary to do, to reach out for something you want when before you were too afraid. This way you build confidence. Every time you practice courage, acting in spite of fear, you build confidence. You start thinking: hey, I can do this! I can!

Like the train that could… find a little challenge and take it on, one challenge a day, no matter how small, but take one every single day and make it happen. Then write me a post every day letting me know what challenge you took on that day, tomorrow and every day after.

Starting tomorrow, a challenge per day…?

anita