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afraid to live

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  • February 15, 2016 at 7:19 pm #96133
    Wisdom
    Participant

    that sounds amazing! you probably feel great after a 6 mile walk and eating afterwards (sounds like the life!)

    and lmao at how you used idk for the first time! aw yeah!

    i actually told him that i liked his hair last time i spoke to him and he said that he liked mine too, that’s as much affection i showed him last time we spoke. but after that we didn’t really say anything. our usual cliffhanger conversations lol

    February 15, 2016 at 7:29 pm #96134
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I felt refreshed during the walk, the cold air on my face. So you told him something nice and he told you something nice back. You sure like this guy, reminds me of a long, long term crush I had in high school for this guy, Robert. I daydreamed about him like crazy, a whole lot… and I mean a whole lot!

    I joined this youth club just so to see him during the one or twice a week evening meeting. How excited I was to see him, so upbeat and excited every time I saw him. Then one night, after a meeting, the unbelievable happened: he asked me if he can walk me home. And home was a long way, 20 minutes walk at least. Just me and him walking in the quiet darkness under street lights here and there… a dream come true, right?

    Not so. He asked me: “Can I walk you home?”

    And i answered: “No.” And I walked home alone. This is what fear does…

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 7:49 pm #96140
    Wisdom
    Participant

    anita, how could you say no?! you should’ve said yes! i mean although it’s all said and done, i think if you said yes even in a really shy and hypergirly way he wouldn’t mind!

    i’m glad that he even asked you though, and even though you said no i hope you were just happy that he asked and never regretful of saying no. i like to think that god never makes mistakes. and i hope that you found love after that. love that made you happy.

    February 15, 2016 at 8:01 pm #96142
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    There is a second part to the story: a year or so after I said no to the walk home, I don’t remember how it happened but he asked me for a date to the movies. It was going to be my first date ever.

    The evening of the date came. I was in a daze, so nervous and I started to sweat. I was self conscious about every single move I made. I didn’t feel comfortable not for a moment. When we arrived in the movies, it was a kind of a movie without music, talk but no music. Sitting in the theater it occurred to me that he could hear me breathe, as in exhaling air out of my nose. I became concerned the will hear me exhale through my nose, that there may be a snoring like noise So as I sat next to him in the theater I paid attention to each one of my exhalation, making sure I let the air out of my nose slowly so there was no noise.

    Two hours of that and i was relieved when the movie was over. I remember nothing about the movie. then I was nervous again all the way back home. Once I arrived home I was very sweaty from the nervousness and only after a shower did I finally exhaled without worrying about a possible snoring noise.

    Needless to say there was nothing like a kiss on that date or holding hands, no physical contact whatsoever, nothing but excruciating discomfort.

    And … this is now the whole story, there is no part three. He didn’t ask me for a second date…

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 8:20 pm #96143
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i’m glad you even went on this date with the fear you had. for the most part we could say that you fought off the fear you had when he asked to walk you home which would’ve only been 20 minutes, but you stuck around for 2 hours and that was brave of you! i can barely even get guys to notice me haha!

    although he didn’t ask you for a second date and you were terrified to move and even breathe, i say you did perfectly well. no matter if he didn’t ask you for the second date. maybe it was a lesson of overcoming that fear. and maybe also to show that maybe he just didn’t deserve you. from all that you told me i suppose you two didn’t know much about each other, so who knows where it would’ve went if you did know something about each other? but god doesn’t make mistakes and i’m sure he’s led you to the right places afterwards.

    February 15, 2016 at 8:41 pm #96145
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    You are very kind. But the thing is I wish I said Yes to the walk and I wish it was a magical walk that I would remember fondly. But instead it was a missed opportunity, missed by fear. And the date, i wish it was good and magical and … but it was another opportunity missed by fear. If I could go back in time I would take the walk with him and I would pay attention to the movie and not to my nose, and i would hold hands with him (would have been a first!)

    Afraid to live… well that does mean being afraid to experience the good things in life, joy and fun and love.

    Will be back at the computer tomorrow. Take care, Wisdom, 20 minutes to midnight your time. Good night!

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 9:05 pm #96146
    Wisdom
    Participant

    that’s exactly what it means, and although you can’t necessarily go back in time, i really hope you aren’t afraid to live an experience the good things in your life now. good night, anita and we’ll talk tomorrow.

    February 16, 2016 at 7:59 am #96168
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I have been Frozen in fear, that’s the way I now put it, my whole life and have been thawing gradually in the last few years, since my first good psychotherapy in 2011. You don’t really live when you are frozen in fear. I hope you thaw too, Wisdom, little by little. When you reached out to the guy online the other day, you shook off some of that ice around you and remember how happy it felt? This is it: thaw a bit at a time and you gradually experience life in ways you didn’t think possible!

    anita

    February 16, 2016 at 8:42 am #96171
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i hope so too, for the both of us. and since you only started to shake some of that ice off, hopefully you can consider just trying to jump right into things, it might help things go even faster! i know it’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth a try or two 🙂

    February 16, 2016 at 8:52 am #96172
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    And what one little jump into something will you, dear Wisdom, be doing today…?

    anita

    February 16, 2016 at 9:03 am #96174
    Wisdom
    Participant

    well so far i’ve sent him something but that’s all. no answer. i’m not sure if we’ll talk today but i hope so. what will you do or think about doing?

    February 16, 2016 at 9:12 am #96177
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I already jumped. I jump every day as I post here, as I communicate with every person on this forum, as I communicate with anyone I am communicating with. I am in a different place in life than you are, Wisdom. You are in your very early twenties, aren’t you? Going to school, yet to figure out where to live, what to do, career wise and relationships. I am 55, married. I am living where I like and do not plan to move elsewhere. Starting a career life at 55 doesn’t make much sense. For example, if I went back in time I think I would study law. If I studied law now, I would start my career in the working world no earlier than 60. And it takes many years to progress into what I would have liked to become, a criminal law attorney, in the courtroom.

    See my point, Wisdom. Back to you…at your stage in life.

    anita

    February 16, 2016 at 9:19 am #96178
    Wisdom
    Participant

    yes i see, and that’s exactly how old i am, i’m 19. it’s good that you make an effort every single day, as opposed to occasionally. i’m not so sure how i could do something like that. well, for what i’m after i think everyday would be too much with the way things are going – i say something and don’t necessarily get an answer. i have no idea of my standing right now. with him, with anything in my life. it’s like, i use power instead of waiting, but is there ever a time you can push the bar too far? i don’t know how boys work. not at all. and since he’s technically so far away, it’s even harder. there’s no understanding of what to do next. to leave him alone or just talk to him. it’s confusing.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Wisdom.
    February 16, 2016 at 10:06 am #96186
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    Nineteen. There is a song by a group called steely Dan called Nineteen.

    Yes, make some effort every single day. I keep saying a small, or little effort. A small effort and a small result build over time and you find yourself making bigger efforts and have bigger results over time.

    And if you keep surviving life, Wisdom, you do and will have time. So practice making things happen in small ways. Find those small ways in your life as it is right now. No way is too small, everything counts when you are building initiative, confidence, clarity of thinking.

    Regarding your crush, the young man you like so much. Well, if you keep waiting nothing will happen. If you do something more than what you have been doing, something may happen. So you have a choice between 0% of something good happening to maybe 5%.

    Knowing a bit math and statistics, 5% is higher than 0%…

    anita

    February 16, 2016 at 10:29 am #96189
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i can try and do a little more but geez it’s so…uncomfortable. i feel like i’m kind of the only one with the effort and he’s just kinda there…watching. like i’m running around in circles and he’s just watching me do exactly that.

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