Hi Anita,

thank you for answering. It’s been a crazy week for me. I panicked and was looking for advice from anyone who would offer one. I have decided to go to Oslo after talking with a lot of people and realizing that the PhD position offers a lot of freedom and I wiull probably be able to spend some time there, some time in Berlin.

Yes, I know rents are high, but my salary will actually be quite high, so I don’t consider this to be a problem.

I doubt that deciding to stay in Berlin would be the end of the relationship. My husband is not pressuring me to do anything, but it would definitely mean missing out on a fantastic career opportunity for the sake of the relationship, as you said. But I think I would find a way to make it work. However, after talking with my husband a lot, we agreed I at least have to try. If it turns out that our marriage suffers because of it, I can always quit. That was a brilliant piece of advice I got from a friend. It takes the pressure off tremendously. Nothing is set in stone.

Another great piece of advice came from my parents, who have been married for over 30 years. No job is worth sacrificing a good relationship. People are unique, jobs are something I can shape according to my needs.

Finally, I’m excited to explore a new country. The University of Oslo is an excellent place for my research and honestly, if I go back to Germany after that time, I don’t think having this on my CV will hurt. Plus, it’s another great opportunity to learn a new language; one I haven’t considered learning before. It’s all new and unknown and I think this is very attractive. I easily get bored with things I know too well.

So thank you again for your reply. It’s great to get some questions which make you think.

Joanna