Hello dear Tinny Buddha members,

This is going to be my first post, even though I read almost every article that comes out. You helped me through some dark moments and gave me strenght, I dearly thank you for that!

I am 22 y.o. and live 2 000km away from my parents. Our relationship is  distanced (not just physically) ,because I make it to be so. Every time I talk to them I fear being judged. They call me one or two times per week, them both speaking to me on the phone, or better: my father speaking and my mother giving comments and listening in the background.

When I moved abroad I first got a job in Burger King and rent a room for myself. Later I started a language course and after it I went to university. I was too naive at first, which led to me failing my first studies and changing subjects. I gained some skills about learning and making contacts ,so I am moving forward in my studies. I moved to another town ,because of my new boyfriend, so I changed the university ,but stayed in the same programm.

My parents dont give me a lot of money, the first two years I was independent, after that I started accepting money from them, mostly because It gives my father a sence of self-worth. I would prefer them spending money on their hobbies,but they have none. The amount of money my father is giving me in the moment is enough to cover about four months rent per year, the rest I earn myself with a part-time job.

My studies were fine for an year, but I was not satisfied with my subject and I felt inappropriate in the field. I wanted to follow my childhood dream and study medicine, which I was before afraid of. I didnt tell my parents, because I fear they would be disappointed. Disappointed, because they expect me to finnish my Bachelor and think ”Finally she got something done”  Some of my old classmates, who stayed home already finnished and have a degree. I also suppose they wont beliave I would manage it, as medicine is said to be hard work. I was not doing good in my studies till now not because of the studying itself ,but because of being disorganized, lacking social skills or motivation with the subject I felt not in place. Problems I learned to handle better after studying now for two years. The learning material was never so hard for me. I think my parents never realized that.

I applied for medicine and I got accepted before three weeks! This week I had the organisational week and in 5 days I am beginning with medicine! I feel so excited and so proud of myself that I finally got the courage to do it!

Still my parents dont know. I already can hear my moms comment in the background when I call them ”Oh, now medicine…” and ”When are you going to finnish something? You know medicine takes 8 years?”

My parents never stopped me from doing anything ,which I am thankfull for, but I am delaying to call them for days now as I know that they will kill my enthusiasm!

I always hide a lot from them, never talk about personal stuff and carry a mental shield in there presence. Every time I visit them (two times per year) I am anxious.

I feel so ridiculous with it, as I cant control my emotions and behavior towards my them, which hurts all of us.

Hope you can give me some advice on that topic. I realise a lot of parents will be happy if their child studies medicine. I also realise that my problem may appear childish, but it is really something I struggle managing myself

I am thankfull for every comment, advice and question! A rational opinion may help me a lot ,as I am handling the topic too emotonal!

Sorry for my English, I am no native speaker 🙂

Take care,

Diyana