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Advice relationship with parents

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  • April 13, 2017 at 10:50 am #144913
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Diyana:

    This is my understanding: the reason you are anxious when in the presence of your parents, or when communicating with them over the phone or otherwise, is that they negatively criticize you, and have been doing so for a long time. Your anxiety is an automatic consequence of their unacceptable behavior: negatively criticizing you on an ongoing basis.

    You wrote: “My parents never stopped me from doing anything”- well, their negative criticism does stop you by robbing you of your enthusiasm.

    What I would do, if I was you, is to minimize the communication with them in length and in content. Do not share with them anything that is unnecessary for you to share. And it is not necessary for you to share the news about studying medicine.

    Congratulations for being as financially independent of them as you are, especially at your young age. If their financial help means that you have to share with them, their money may not be worth it.

    Keep your distance from them so to protect yourself and make your own life be your own, free and uninhibited by their commentary.

    And congratulations for being accepted to medical school!

    anita

    April 13, 2017 at 7:02 pm #144965
    Hana L
    Participant

    Dear Diyana,

    Congratulations on being accepted to do medicine!

    In my opinion it sounds like your parents are maybe afraid of you getting disappointed/stressed out with your life’s choices so they give advice (that can sound like criticism because they probably don’t know of a better way to put their concerns into something which would sound less ‘negative’) <– this is my personal experience

    Life can be a bit tricky – not everyone knows what they want to do from young, so it can take a lot of ‘experimenting’ (i.e. just experiencing different things and maybe working in different types of jobs). Also, there will be times when you may face criticism from other people who don’t see you for your worth (since they probably have their own insecurities), and the most important thing is to not let that get to you – believe strongly in your goal (put up notes of affirmations around the house if you need to).

    It also seems like keeping a big decision from your parents is making you worried (I say this because in some family upbringing, children inform their parents of these decisions which are considered important mile stones, myself included). Maybe get through the first year of medicine and then bring it up to your family, or you could finish your studies and graduate as a doctor before informing your parents.

    Your parents are sending you money which (to me) is a sign of them wanting to be supportive of how you’re living your life.

    Take care,
    Hana

     

     

     

     

    April 13, 2017 at 7:28 pm #144977
    Alien incident47
    Participant

    Hello

    I can relate to what you feel towards your parents . My parents were never the best communicators,  or giving sound advice. You may even find friends that way,  follow your dreams and never give up is the sound advice I can give you . You may lack their support but not their love for you. Remember this is your dream to go into medicine noto their dream,  so work hard and make that dream a reality,  it’s your goal , and always remember why you wanted to follow this path in life . I wish you the best on your quest , people may put you down,  grades may not be what you like at times , but remain focus , it is your dream,  so make the best of every situation and keep on going.

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