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  • May 13, 2015 at 10:10 am #76714
    J.
    Participant

    Hi everyone! This is my first post on the tiny buddha forums.

    I have a friend who I communicate with through texting. We text each other and see each other on occasion with the rare phone call. We had a “conversation” at the end of March with me asking if she and her daughter would want to see a movie. No response. Fast forward to yesterday and I receive a phone call. She was calling on behalf of her dad because he needed something.

    This is the kind of relationship that I feel like my brother & I have gone through over the years. He is not much of a telephone person (and lives long distance) but he seems to call me only when he needs something. This sort of relationship that I have with my brother has really touched a nerve with me, seeing as though it has been going on for many, many years.

    When my friend did the same, it brings up feelings of resentment. How can I address her to let her know that this is an issue with me? Also, seeing as though I have held onto this “grudge” with my brother for so long, is there any advice out there on how to let go?

    Thank you for reading. I really appreciate any and all advice.

    May 13, 2015 at 10:18 am #76715
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear J:
    My advice is to tell both the truth. As long as your communication with either one is respectful, not abusive- the truth is due and will be liberating. Plus it gives the relationship with each a chance of improving and becoming a WIN-WIN relationship. Isn’t it that we feel angry when we find ourselves at the LOSE end of a WIN-LOSE relationship or interaction? If you take my advice, you may get a positive or negative reaction if any at all- who knows? The thing is you are only responsible for your participation in every interaction, not for the other person’s. So, take care of yourself by being true to yourself and as long as you are not abusive to another- it is the healthy thing for you (and for the other) to do. What do you think?
    anita

    May 13, 2015 at 11:28 am #76722
    J.
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice, Anita! I am not comfortable with confrontation. This is why I have let it go on for so long with my brother. I see what you are saying by saying to take care of yourself & being true without causing harm to another. They are helpful words to consider. Thank you!

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by J..
    May 15, 2015 at 9:07 am #76844
    Anonymous
    Guest

    DearJ:
    How are you doing with the issue on your post here? You wrote last that you feel uncomfortable with confrontations. I wonder if you confronted your friend or your brother? It is painful, unpleasant, uncomfortable, distressing for me to confront or do anything I may be attacked for doing, criticized, rejected… I read that to get better, to heal, it is like going to the dentist. It is going to be painful but it is very likely to save a lot of long term, future pain. Like growing pains… necessary for growth, for healing. What do you think?
    Take Care of yourself:
    anita

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