Dear pieceworkjeanaol-com:

You avoided your sibling in the past because she threatened your well being, and so you protected yourself from her by having no contact with her- good job on your part!

She wants to know what she did to deserve you avoiding her- and you are considering answering her instead of just deleting her email.

Things to consider in deciding what to do:

Did you tell her in the past that you had a problem with her aggressive behavior? If you did, how did she respond?

anita

Dear Peaceatlast:

Well, why don’t you tell her why you have been avoiding her, the truth as it is, no excess words, no apologizing, no vagueness, just tell her specifically the reason. As calmly as you can and in a matter of fact way.

Then wait. Listen to what she says. It may be a good idea after she responds to tell her that you need to think about her response, then get off the phone and think about it, talk to another about it, maybe even post here for feedback (I will reply). You may need time to evaluate and process her response, to understand it.

After processing it, you can decide on what to say on a second conversation. If there will be one.

And then maybe a third. Or not, depending on whether she responds to you with honesty and whether she is accusatory and blaming and such. In case of the latter, best you continue to protect yourself from her by resuming no contact.

anita

Dear Peaceatlast:

“Is ‘family togetherness’ an illusion..?” you asked. It is any child’s most intense need, this family togetherness. The child will do anything for togetherness, bend herself out of cognitive shape any which way so to have a feeling of some ‘family togetherness’. In reality, for very many people, the bending out of shape we do as children makes for a dysfunctional lives.

Yes, it is very often an illusion, I say.

anita