One of the challenges of realizing or awaking to the reality that “You” are not your ego, you are not your body, you are not your thinking, you are not your emotions… is a detachment from life. If I am no-thing, no-thing matters and as you mentioned that is the Ego attempting to identify it self with an experience of nothing mattering.  If “I” am no thing “I” am nothing, and things only matter when “I” matter, when I am ego. – I remain my ego even as I “know” I am not my ego and around and around we go.

On one level this is a problem of language. How can we reflect one our experiences, explain them to ourselves and other without referring to “I” even though we know the Self is not “I. The result is more often then not that instead of a healthy detachment to experiences we fall into indifference to our experiences and depression.

You had the realization that “taking things personal does not make sense” a kind of detachment that isn’t. What you are describing of your experience is not detachment but indifference. If you (the “I”) don’t care (indifference) about an outcome why bother working towards any goal – your ego asks.

It’s a challenge. The Art of Detachment is to be fully engaged in life, working towards goals that match your truths (as you know then to be in the moment), while not attaching your sense self and identity to the actions or outcomes. i.e. I am a good or bad person because I do this, I am a good person because I hit what I was aiming at, a bad person because I missed.

You can and get to care about the action and outcomes; however, the outcomes or actions do not define you. In this way you open yourself to play. Sure, what you understand as your truths today may change and with them the direction of your actions – learn better, do better – you get to laugh.

In the problem of opposites, which we must come to terms with, is how we measure, judge, divide and doings so make conscious (awaken) is that reality that the opposites don’t exist. Opposites are not independent sides of a coin that can be separated. As we become conscious of detachment we become conscious of attachment. Awaking to the light is also an awakening to the darkness. True Light will always defeat the darkness however light requires energy – movement. Keep moving. The intention of a practice is to not practice, the intention of seeking is finding (yet how many “seekers” would ever label themselves finders).

Once you ask a question you cannot unasked it. Ignorance is bliss but you can’t go back. Frankly life is easier when we identify with our ego and suffer. Righteous anger and taking everything personal can really get the juices flowing. Sure, in the end its exhausting and unhealthy but it can feel so good in the moment. You awakened to the realization that you are not your ego and can’t go back. It’s a loss, even if it leads to becoming more authentic, every loss needs to properly mourned.

Did any of that make sense?

Hi Jayde

I very much relate to being in the gray area as I find my self torn between wanting to fully engage in life and retreat from it. I suspect all things have their time

Like Joseph Campbell I suspect my “religion” is underlining books. I have always found the right book showing up when I thinking about some question.  The book I’m currently reading is by Eric Weiner called ‘Man Seeks God’. He is a travel writer that sets out on a quest to answer some of his own questions he has about his own experiences, or lack of experience. He ends up spending some time in various communities around the world asking some of the questions you may be asking.  It very well written and funny. The humor is self deprecating as he is very respectful to others thinking and experiences.

I wonder if you might also enjoy the book. The writer doesn’t go overly deep but he is very well read so there are a great number of passages to underline 🙂 … Why do I think you might enjoy the book… I think like me your wondering where you fit. Where you might feel as safe to be yourself as you are when your with your boyfriend. And why it is you find your self annoyed by those that don’t get it and those that seem to have all the answers. Just a thought

Really like your intention of doing something you truly love each day and fulfilling your soul’s needs. I suspect that will take you were you cannot yet even imagine you wanted to be.

There’s a lot of shit talked about awakening, but nevertheless it isn’t a path you want to be going down if you want a normal, comfortable life. I’ve been going through it for five years and it doesn’t get any easier. At times I have the most intense anger and could easily murder someone. There doesn’t seem to be an endgame in which you suddenly ‘get it’. Gods and goddesses like to mess around with the minds of poor mortals, and they like to keep you hanging with subtle signs you know aren’t just coincidental, yet neither is there anything tangible to hold on to. So you start to wonder if this is all the product of a broken mind. That’s the conclusion I am coming to now. I am DONE with spirituality and I am DONE playing mind games. It’s sad really. After all this time, this awakening could still be nothing more than a complete mental breakdown.

Fuck spirituality Fuck ascension. Fuck kundalini. Seriously.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Honestly, I’ve gone through a huge spiritual awakening and I was convinced I was losing my mind. I felt so detached. My ego was suffering. Just like June mentioned above, I became moody, introverted, my life changed and I viewed the world so much more differently. I still do. There isn’t any going back. Once you have this information the world – your world – truly changes. But don’t feel fear in it. Use this as enlightenment. You have become aware. You know more than most people do.

My apologies to any I may have offended. To me awakening has to be worked upon to bring it to maturity. Hearing the lack of guidance and pitfalls, it does not align with all that I learned about awakening to the truth of ones nature. The experience of the mind fallen away. The sense of being whole like finding one’s head was attached to one’s body all the time one was lost.

Anita,

Sorry. May be something I read long time ago?

Personally, still on this journey.

Still practicing, meditating. Still learning.

Tommy

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Tommy.

Dear Anita,

I apologize because you do so much here to try to help people. And, I can not even answer your post correctly.

Tommy