Hi Rozay,
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot to open up and discuss self-perceptions and areas of self improvement so I think this is a good starting point to hopefully find (or begin to find) peace of mind. I log on to Tiny Buddha everyday to find encouraging stories and situations that I can relate to and your story, amongst many others, is one that I can relate to. I decided about a year ago that after living in California for nearly a year, that I wanted to move back home and worried about what people would think, whether they’d deem me as a failure, unable to survive away from family, friends, etc. The truth is, whether or not they support your decision shouldn’t matter. If moving back home, wherever that is for you, makes you happy then do it. After all, even if you move back and decide that that’s not where you belong you can keep on moving until you figure out where you do belong. Remember the only thing permanent in this life is change. Secondly, I think it is very important that you stay active doing things you enjoy doing. I think at a certain point in life we all feel like we need some type of gratification and acceptance regarding the things that we are passionate about. In regards to your question about motives… This is a somewhat confusing question to me, maybe due to the word “impress”. I feel that it is certainly in our nature to desire approval of people that we care about and who care about us, but when I think of the word “impress”, the last thing on my mind is things I’m passionate about. I don’t go out to try to win someone’s approval by playing the piano, writing poems, or anything that I consider hobbies. I participate in things I enjoy doing for my own satisfaction and my boyfriend supports me whether or not he is passionate about the things I’m passionate about. Your spouse/ future spouse shouldn’t be your motivator to live a happy and healthy life. Sure, they can be a contributor to your happiness but your happiness should not rely on them or anyone else for that matter.

I think it is normal to ask these questions, probably more than one time, throughout life. Taking leaps of faith comes with the risk of failure, but what matters is how you react to it and handle the situation.
I hope that you find happiness and inner peace/acceptance regarding these matters. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone on this mission of self discovery. Don’t be too hard on yourself and embrace all that life offers you, whether good or bad it’s shaping you into the person that you are supposed to be. Let that inner light of yours shine. 🙂

Best,
Reanna

Hi Rozay,

This is just a thought, but it sounds like there are two elements you enjoy with your hobbies:
a) engaging in the actual activity, because you yourself find it fun/interesting/relaxing/fulfilling/enjoyable/whatever
b) sharing the experience of doing the hobby with others, by doing the activity together, talking about it, sharing the results, critiquing each others’ work, learning together, etc.

So here’s the thing. Being comfortable being on your own, and loving yourself, are two different things.

Maybe you are simply more extroverted, meaning you gain energy and feel revitalized from spending time with others. In this case it would make sense that a person feels that they love him/herself and have fairly good self esteem, but also feel very uncomfortable being alone most of the time. Whereas introverts tend to treasure their alone time and thrill at getting to be absorbed by a hobby with no one to distract them, extroverts are more likely to treasure sharing their hobbies and passions with like-minded people that want to socialize about them.

If you’re already hard on yourself and you’ve recently lost a job, a home, and some relationships, no wonder your self-esteem would be taking a hit! But this one string of rotten experiences doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a person. If you can’t help but look back, don’t forget to see all your past successes while you’re at it. You’re only 26 and you’ve had relationships, moved to new places, worked hard at a career, taken your health seriously, and focused on developing and learning about yourself as an individual. Life is a mixed bag of experiences, but you are the one who gets to decide how they will shape you, and those decisions say more about who you are than your experiences.

Would things have been different with a girlfriend? Who knows. They could have been worse, depending on what that relationship was like. Wanting friendships, romantic love, and the respect of family doesn’t make you pathetic. It makes you human. If you feel that you are ready to start dating and looking for friends, go for it. If you’ve got some serious concerns about your self-esteem and want to work on that first, go for that. You could even balance both; maybe join a hobby group for something you’re interested in. You sound pretty insightful and competent- just a little lacking in confidence right now.

My one piece of advice is, try approaching new relationships and interactions with people without any expectations. Try to just focus on the experience, without judging it as good/bad, enough/not enough. Remember that the other person’s reaction isn’t always a reflection of what you do, what you say, or who you are. There are a lot of factors in play, most of them not in your control. When I’m feeling like a failure, it’s easy to think people might reject me because I’m somehow not good enough. Remembering these things really helped me put my self-worth back in my own hands, instead of giving it up to others.

That was super long, hope it was helpful too! 🙂