Hi I’m Joan, gratefully found this site  a few months ago. It has helped me cope during difficult times. I have 2 adult children. Male soon 34, female soon 31. Divorced when they were almost 4 and 7. Raised them with little or no help from my ex, financial or other. My daughter and I have a roller coaster relationship. I tears me up. Ive recently grasped that she and I are different in our basic core. Im very compassionate, never kick a dog when down. She is critical, lacks compassion, understanding and empathy for me, the same way my mother was to me. I love my kids so deeply, it hurts. I feel I was an above average mother. Went to college, got off welfare and solely provided everything for them. Holidays, yearly vacations. They were well fed, clothed, sheltered etc. Recently, separately, I asked each one if there was ever a time when they were growing up that they felt unloved. Both of them answered “No, never”. I certainly didnt feel loved, important, or valued. Lot of pain and anguish growing up. I was concious I NEVER EVER wanted my children to feel what I had felt when young. And they didnt, by their own admission. Yet both of them show me deep disregard and no respect. My daughter is the ring leader most of the times. She is above average intelligence, my son diagnosed LD at age 9, in IEP since then. I now know he has ASD which wasnt being diagnosed back then. He is extremely loyal to his younger sister. Im thankful for that, eventhoygh I have felt ganged up on, and abandoned by them alot over the years. I hurt so bad. There is so much more to the story. I just dint know what to do, how to make it stop, without having to lose them and my geand kids. Im desparately miserable. Much more to say re: whats going on but this is all for now. Can anyone help me with this debilitating life issue? Thank you, Joan.