Thanks. Those are really good straightforward questions to consider. I really cannot see cutting myself off from this relationship. Though I’ve done it before. I’ve come back. . And realized this is where I being, with he. Etc etc fill in a reason. I can come up with hundreds of reasons to stay. I’m not even questioning staying or going, maybe subconsciously I am.. But deep down when I am by myself to think and ponder, I always feel I’ve come up short. I just got a Facebook page after like four five years because I didn’t have my own internet access really. And I did searches of all these old friends and family and family friends. I’m like taken aback. Everyone’s growing up getting older doing things with their lives, and I know it’s just Facebook.. But I haven’t been in touch. You see I have a different life than before I met my wife. I’ll grrr into it later.. But I has a life, friends, a job, outside environment, stimulation, hobbies, sex. And sex I’d a whole different subject too, lol. But anyways, everyone is growing up and even though technically I am too, it feels like life is moving on without me and I’m still her standing still in essence.. I don’t have a job, or a ton of friends, or a noted direction. I’m like a homebody housewife. Cooking cleaning. Taking care of my wife and our cats. Always together. She’s old than me.. she did the whole twenties experience life figure yourself out thing. I married at 20. Like for months after I turned 20. It was impulsive, romantic, adventures, knock you off your feet lovely fantastic love. So I sat lets get married. Unbeknownst to what a long term live together marriage is about.. I didn’t know it affects your sex life, or you start arguing, or have responsibilities, and finance trouble. Things didn’t fall into place naturally.. we struggle and to this day struggle, but we manage and are grateful foot everything. It’s a Lot at once, well combined .. my personal inner struggle and discovery, growing up, my future, her health, my health, or relationship. It goes on and on. But she’s diabetic, overweight, has mental issues, type a blue up in your face kind of girl, and we’ve had ups and downs buy we keep making it through. A find example of strength. But to be honest, I’ve lost who I am along the way, I had a briefish affair, and still feel pulled in many directions. I can convince myself I’m happy no worries, and I can convince myself I am sad and psycho over analyze everything till I am in tears. WtF. And as for the question, it goes back to privacy, trust, freedom and lack of it and lack of friends.. sad. I wish we could have a normal “hey I’m going to sallys for the weekend see you when I get back” secure relationship.. nope. It’s just that’s not how the dynamics are and the mental stuff too affects it. I hope none of these posts can be found by her somehow she will kill me. Lol not really but she’ll be pissed. Thanks again. Any other comments on anything is always welcome.

“I hope none of these posts can be found by her somehow she will kill me. Lol not really but she’ll be pissed.”

Lol, picture my face. I assure you I’m not laughing. If your spouse would bite your head off about an honest post about how you feel, something is very wrong in your relationship.

You posted your story in a thread about abuse in a relationship, starting your post by saying “I recognise the things you guys are talking about.” You know that we established two of the other posters are talking about abusive relationships, right? That you recognise the stuff they talk about should make you think about the nature of your relationship.

From what you’ve said, being with this woman has turned you from an outgoing, sexually active, working woman into a ‘homebody’ whose main task, if I may paraphrase, is managing the moods and jealousies of her wife. This woman seems to be controlling you in a way that’s keeping you from living your life. You look at your old friends on facebook and feel like life is passing you by. It is. Because you’re in a prison called your marriage.

If you’re not thinking of leaving her (and I’m surprised you’re not, but ok) then at least think about how you can let life back into your life, instead of dozing through it taking care of her and the cats. Have a talk with her about what you want, your hobbies, your friends, etc. And if the two of you can’t figure out a way in which you can have a normal out-of-doors life as well as her as a wife, then what does that say about the nature of your relationship?

I think you should seriously think about this.

My good friend years ago said to me and it still resonate in my heart: if your freedom is being threatened in any way, it’s a big red flag.. And if you even FEEL your freedom is threatened, it’s a red flag. Like even if I’m deluding myself that she is subconsciously keeping me in this invisible prison feeling.. it’s gotten better, and the bad, better, and bad again. Confuses me. Answer me this, why every time we fight I feel like it’s the first fight we’ve ever had, like I feel so unprepared and lost and vulnerable as if I don’t know this feeling, when really we’ve had numerous debate.. I should know better. But I feel so naive to it all. Like I am under this love spell and when it’s broken, my world shatters.. it’s weird can’t explain it..