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Abuse

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  • January 26, 2014 at 2:17 am #49743
    tulips8
    Participant

    I don’t know if my bf or I –or both– are being abusive right now.

    The other night, we had a fight, which I started. It was about past things. I was wrong. He ended up pushing me off the bed, carrying me (abrasively) down the stairs and throwing me outside. I fought back and bit him. I came back in because it was cold and locked myself in the br. He punched the door til he broke his finger and he kicked a hole in the door. I left.

    I am verbally abusive to him. (I am not making an excuse for his behavior.) I have intense resentment from the past and do not know how to be with him without the past overshadowing things. We are both upset. I told him we can’t continue unless we go to a counselor.

    This is clearly abrigded, but comments and advice are appreciated.

    January 26, 2014 at 7:02 am #49745
    Jamie Lee
    Participant

    I’m in a similar tumultuous relationship, and feel your pain. Yes to counseling, I’m asking for it also. stand your ground, stand up for yourself. your feelings are important.

    January 26, 2014 at 8:30 am #49748
    Matt
    Participant

    Tulips,

    It sounds more like mutual combat than abuse, but the lines of war are often blurry. When you were lying there with him, what caused you to lash out? What is the deep resentment that entangles you?

    I agree that counselling is a great idea. You both sound like you could use some help communicating and accepting, as well as disagreeing without violence. Also, consider reading (also an audio book) Thich Nhat Hahn’s “True Love: A Practice for Opening the Heart” or Pema Chodron’s “Don’t Bite the Hook”. Both are beautiful and full of deep insight into intimacy, connection, and compassion.

    With warmth,
    Matt

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