Too many people give up on love nowadays. Too many decide to separate because they ‘fell out of love’. Too many people think lightly of divorce, and don’t even try to fix things before taking drastic measures. I’m not saying there are no right reasons for divorce – but you get my point.

I think it’s silly when someone asks: ‘Do I still love him/her?’

Love to me is not something that is either there or not there. It’s not something that could be there 2 weeks ago and suddenly disappear. Love is.. A decision. Every day when you wake up in the morning, and just before you close your eyes to sleep, decide on loving the other person. To me, love is a verb.. relationship should be a team effort. I think that kind of love is beautiful.

I guess the hard part has always been to find someone else who grasps the idea that it’s a team effort and is willing to put in the effort it takes, for a lifetime – that’s a long time! Too often do I meet men who are in it for the ‘now’ or for the ‘2-3 years from now’. Me, I like to think about being old with no one but each other. Maybe we’d even be frail and sickly, but we’d be content in the lives that we have led. I don’t even care what he looks like. Looks fade. I don’t want another shallow eye candy.

Someone who I can trust will make the decision to love me every day. Because that’s what I’ll do, for him. I guess it’d be too cheesy to say I want ‘a kindred soul’.

Sometimes I feel like I’m way older than I really am at 23. I’m always hopeful that maybe I’ll eventually find ‘him’. Going in and out of bad relationships makes me think that maybe.. I never will. Is it better to be miserable in your lonely existence, or together with someone who makes you miserable? Is it better to stare at the ceiling of your bedroom alone wondering if you’ll ever find that someone you can love. Or is it better to lay in a half-hearted cuddle after some meaningless sex with someone you can barely stand anymore. I can’t decide.

Some people will tell me I should be content with being alone and learn to love myself instead of depending on other people, but.. I feel that I have so much love to give. I want to love.

Looking at the way some people are sometimes I feel like expecting monogamy in this day and age is unrealistic. But I look at my parents and I look at my friends who has it, and with a pang of envy I refuse to disbelieve.

I think the most valuable thing in the world is… Time. It’s the most precious thing you can give to someone, don’t you think? If you love someone, you spend your time with them, when you can. And if there’s none then you make some. A lot of people try to compensate for the lack of quality time they can provide with money.

Money doesn’t make me happy. Of course with money I can afford to do the things that makes me happy – like traveling. But everyone else around me is too busy chasing infinite money all the way to their death beds or until inevitably their regret for lost time caught up with them. Where’s the fun in traveling alone?

I’m not saying that I’ll scoff at every shiny unnecessary luxuries, but I know it’s a tertiary need. Some people make it seem like that’s all they live for!

You always think you have time .. until you realize you don’t have much left.

Anyway.. Off to bed I guess?

Good night.