Dear Mangtinez:

I hope you succeed in your efforts to have healthy biological children and that your cats are healthy too.

You wrote that you feel like your “anxious, negative, worry-wort mind has brought these tragedies upon (you)”- no, I don’t think your thoughts and feelings caused your husband’s and brother in law’s Azoospermia, nor your late cat’s or current cat’s health troubles. Those things happened regardless of your thoughts and feelings.

Our anxieties, worries, these don’t help any, never do. And they can hurt because when we distressed, we pay less attention to such things as driving and otherwise, and so, we are more likely to have accidents. Calm yourself best you can, pay attention, and I hope you feel way better soon enough.

anita

Hi Mangtinez,

I know it is hard when we are surrounded by so much disappointment and sadness not to sometimes get lost in it, but try to focus on the possibilities instead lingering over things you have no control over. You could worry and blame yourself for your cat’s health issues, but it isn’t your fault and that doesn’t do any good. Focus on hope instead. What do you love to do? What makes you happy? You say you wish you could find another job that will allow you to grow more. Well, you can always get another job within two weeks! Imagining these possibilities and planning them like a vacation can provide a lot of hope. And then prepare for the worse case scenarios. If you’re cat does have cancer, you could always get another cat. If it turns out you don’t have a baby, you can always adopt. I also want a child and imagine the scenario of not being able to get a girl pregnant. But I still would want to adopt and watch a little one grow up and be able to be there for them.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Mark.