Hi Porterman,
This is a well-thought out question. You’re right – why do we trick ourselves into settling for a relationship? Back when we were still in tribes, we settled down together because we realized that was a strength over other species – to stay in one place, share our responsibilities of hunting and gathering and later agriculture, expanding the species, avoiding death by traveling / migrating less, etc. Overtime, this settling together became a whole institution of marriage, woven it into religion, into the legal system, and everywhere else. So do we need to settle together? In my opinion, it’s really not necessary in the modern world we live in.

As for the spiritual questions you raise – yes, every relationship brings you closer to your own strengths and weaknesses. The characteristics, attitudes and annoyances you encounter are reflections of yourself. However, that’s not a reason to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. Rest assured, if you haven’t worked out your weaknesses, you’ll encounter them again with the next person you have a relationship with. So you might as well address them with someone you can enjoy a happy relationship with 🙂

Dear Porterman:

When do you terminate a relationship and when do you stay and change the way you think about the relationship? The idea behind changing the way you perceive anything, a relationship is not to lie to yourself and believe what is not true. It is to view what is true and what is real. For example, if a girlfriend views you as attacking her when you are not, if she learns to realize it, she can avoid ending the relationship based on her misconception, her false belief that she is attacked. On the other hand, if she is attacked in reality, then she should leave.

Yes, this is an easy one: yes, a relationship can make you unhappy. Choose your happiness and un-choose the relationship.

anita