Hi Frida,
If this is your real name, its beautiful. One of my favorite movies. I am very sorry that u are going through so much. I got to tell you, u are so much further in your journey to find yourself than many of us on this site (and the world). I discovered this site 40 days ago when I was in worst place in my life. see I have a pattern as well which I never really looked at till the man who I thought I will marry left me. Its was all of a sudden and I was shattered. I am still recovering. I still miss him and think of him. Your story is very similar to mine. My ex also had a very long long distant relationship before me. I saw all the red flags but my ex kept telling me that its all in my head. I was so confused that I really thought it was all me, I even went to a psychiatric and got diagnosed with mood disorder and took medication for it. Since the breakup my psychiatric who is very holistic has told me to stop taking the medication as I don’t have a mood disorder.

The problem is not him. Its me. I keep dating the same men. I am a very confident, happy and fun loving girl but with these men I become submissive and quiet. I become what they want me to become. Since this breakup, I have been focusing on me. I am getting to Know myself better which is in turn making me solve this mystery of my dating patterns. I have a similar family background as u. Very controlling mother and dad who never stood up for us. Very codependent parents who to this day (I am 30) need me to call them 3+ times a day especially when I get home from work to make sure I didn’t get killed on my way home. They tell me everyday that if anything happened to me they will kill themselves as they won’t have their old age financial and emotional caregiver. So I know the pain of a codependent up bringing.

I really cant tell u what to do with this guy but if I were u, I would spend some more time with myself. You sound like a great girl. Very smart. Everything in our lives happens when it is suppose to. Seems like this guy is really trying to heal but out of his codependent patterns, he cant seem to let u go while he figures things out. He has to do it all by himself to be a good partner to you. You cant help or fix him. Try to be compassionate to yourself and him.

I am actually reading a book about codependency that someone in this site recommended, it’s by a lady called Pia Mellody. Its very insightful about codependent tendencies. It will help u untangle many mysteries of your behavior. I wish you every happiness in this world.
S