Our affair started innocently enough. I was new to the city, no close friends, only work colleagues. Lack of energy after work, kept me from pursuing hobbies or interests. I found myself too tired to cook dinner so would venture out to clubs and casinos. I must’ve looked like a desperate loner to some as I sat waiting for my meal to arrive. Grab a beer and try to forget the day’s trials and tribulations at work.
Slot machines was her name. I heard her mating calls. Those trippy little tunes that seem to say “you feel lonely then come over here babe” What harm could a few coins do anyway? I started playing one machine with fantasy characters who reeked of mystery. Pure escape! Then after only 5 minutes, a 10 dollar jackpot! How lucky I am! I must be special! The gods are smiling on me today! I’ve forgotten all about those silly work problems. Flashing lights, addictive little jingles, idiosyncratic payouts. I was hooked!
And so started my love affair with slot machines and gambling. It lasted over a year and kept me poor. I wondered why I had no money to go on vacations. But gambling truly is a love affair like no other. It’s a substitute for human intimacy. It keeps you in a fantasy world of “the big payout around the corner”. It was suited to someone like me too, an introvert. Communication and friendship with people is hard work and at times to be honest, not worth the effort. (if you have little in common) Gambling enabled me to stay in a fantasy world. I was/am a daydreamer by nature anyway. In a safe cocoon. Withdrawn. Oddly enough, gambling can make you feerl like you are purposeful, that you have a job to do. “gotta work those machines again tonight”. make you feel like you’re going to a part-time job. 🙂

This was all years ago now, in my single days. I think I’ve made progress. I don’t gamble, nor drink too much but maybe I have a penchant for obsessions and addictions still. Internet forums for instance? 🙂