Well the last two years have been a crazy ride. I’ll start off by saying that I ended a 3 year relationship about 2 years ago this august and at first I was heartbroken, but I began to pick up the pieces. I lost 60 pounds though eating better an exercise an I felt great. Fast forward a few months, I moved out of my parents house for the first time and began dating. Less than a month after that my mom was diagnosed with end stage lung cancer, which had spread throughout her body.

Shortly after that I met someone through a mutual friendship, and we hit it off right away and we fell madly in love. We dated for several months before we became a couple. But in many ways it seems that’s where our happiness ended! She has a lot of emotional baggage and comes from a broken home and has had dated many guys who have cheated on her.

She is extremely jealous and can be controlling and manipulative. She has gone through my phone, and even my facebook. I have even deleted old friends on my facebook who she was jealous of to make her happy.I have also been hit by her several times too. I am not saying I am perfect either, my worst trait is my temper and I lose my cool sometimes. This relationship has been difficult dealing with her problems and mine because my mother had been battling cancer our entire relationship.

Fast forward to December 2013, we had been fighting for months and I got to the point where I couldn’t take it, I was avoiding her and spending time with my friends and also got a new job after being unemployed for 6 months. Right after we broke up i began talking with a new coworker and nothing happened, but i still felt bad.

My mother passed away about 3 weeks after that in Jan 2014. She spent that time with me when my mother died, and she found out about the other girl. Mind you I have never done anything like that in a relationship. We stopped talking for several months and I pretty much had no contact with her, I found that is the best when breaking up with someone. She felt that was very cold and she felt like I made her feel like nothing.

In April we began talking again and she has held so much of our past against me, the break up, lying about the girl, and people i dated in between (mind you she dated as well) So in my eyes if we were to move forward, we should have left everything at the door and let go of the past (not forgetting, but forgiving) But fast forward a month it is as if nothing has changed for both of us. I am still angry and lose my temper and she still holds on to most of the past and I have still been hit again as well. Something I made very clear I would not put up with again.

What makes matters worse is that I almost cheated, which is something I have never done or wanted to do. It doesn’t feel like me and I haven’t felt like myself for awhile. It feels as if I have to censor myself to make her happy. I can’t laugh at things she finds offensive because it will upset her.

I feel like a mess a lot of the time and it has begun to affect relationships with friends and my job. I love this girl, but I really just don’t know what to do. It seems as if time as run its course. Most of my friends including the mutual friend who is my best friend has told me I shouldn’t put up with this behavior because of what it’s doing to me.

Thanks for any advice!

Josh