Hello all,

Reflections on posts and my relationships has led me here. As a guy I don’t know if I am as tuned in as some of the women but here goes anyway.

Creating a sustainable loving relationship. Keeping that sense of closeness, intimacy, shared wispers, inside jokes, the delight of the sensual, touch of skin against skin, scent, taste, sounds, smiles, that feeling of oneness, communion I guess.

I know that it requires vulnerability, the willingness to not only keep my heart open but connect on those deeper emotional levels that move a relationship into the rarified air of happiness.

But here is the shift.

In my spiritual practice I have found that beautiful presence at my core that allows me experience myself as one with God/Goddess/All that is. I don’t need someone out there to find that happiness.

I thought that the only way I could experience that sense of oneness was with someone else, but I am realizing that this thought needs to shift. That on a fundamental level I had false thinking.

So my focus has been on allowing myself to be more present when I am feeling lonely and discontented. And I am shifting from looking out there to looking in here. It feels more authentic and I am starting to feel more grounded and well founded.

So where it seems to be going is to allow myself to be happy first and then find someone to share it with. Maybe this is obvious to some but I finally realized that I was depending on someone else that would “make me happy” and that strategy wasn’t working.

That when I was “falling in love” I experienced that closeness, but there was an addictive need for the other underlying the relationship. That when I couldn’t get my ‘fix’ from the other then things began to unravel. There was something inherently unstable at work. I still loved the other, but that sense of communion was not sustainable.

Does this make sense?

I want a relationship that is sustainable. I have started therapy to dig down in the basement to clean out some old baggage.

But this shift has awakened my prayer life in such a subtle, but gentle way that I really like. Sometimes the old pains and depressive thoughts roll in, but feeling them holding them in that quiet sweet place inside is shifting those too.

It will take some time I think, but I am finally hopeful that I can enter into a healthy, sustainable relationship.

Your feedback is welcome.

Jerry