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A Friend has left

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • December 19, 2016 at 3:35 pm #123041
    Nora Kelly
    Participant

    I need help. My best friend no longer wants anything to do with me. Because my significant other and I were going through hard times, I use to confide in her. Now my significant other and I have worked things out and are happy once again due to a combination of therapy and spiritual groups. But my best friend no longer wants anything to do with me. She says that my significant other blames her for our demise. She has stepped out of my life and now I feel lost and sad without her. She was someone I saw and talked to every day. I have given her ample space, but now just realize how much I miss her. She lives down the street and does everything she can to avoid me. I’m not sure what I can do or say to try and become friends again. Please help.

    December 19, 2016 at 7:04 pm #123060
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear nkelly:

    Did/ does your significant other blame her for the troubles that you had? Ask him if he communicated such to her. Maybe he scared her… I don’t know. Maybe he encouraged her to stay away from you, I don’t know. Ask him.

    Ask him how he feels about her and what did he communicate to her and post again with his answer, will you?

    anita

    December 19, 2016 at 9:58 pm #123072
    Nora Kelly
    Participant

    Thanks for your response. Yes my significant other (she) did blame my best friend (also she) for coming between us. And yes, she openly told her that she didn’t like the amount of time we spent together (we were writing together something we both have in common). But since my SO has been seeking spiritual help, she has changed. She no longer blames my friend for our problems, realizes we were growing apart. But when she went to meet with my BF so the two could have a “healing” my BF got angry and blamed her for not taking responsibility within our relationship. So the healing never really happened between them. I no longer expect the two of them to be “friends” and accept that neither of them really like the other one; but up until about a month ago – I was still friends with my BF. Only now she says she just wants to cut me out of her life because she doesn’t like the situation between all of us. My SO is fine with my being friends with her, she just doesn’t want to have to be friends with her.

    December 20, 2016 at 4:07 am #123079
    Jaydee
    Participant

    Some friends leave if they FEEL that they’re in a toxic relationship. If you really want her back, then by all means you will find a way to get her back to your life. You will instill that kind of friendship that once made you two best of friends.

    December 20, 2016 at 10:14 am #123105
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear nkelly:

    So you like your SO, and you like your friend, but your friend does not like your SO and your SO doesn’t like your friend. Your SO was willing to heal the relationship with the friend, but the friend is unwilling.

    The SO is okay with you having a relationship with the friend, but the friend is not willing to have a relationship with you, not individually, separate from the SO (and not with you and the SO as a couple).

    Reads to me like you have no choice but to accept the friend’s choice to cut contact with you. The friend, reads to me, developed negative feelings not only toward our SO but also toward you, so when she associated with you- in recent times- she experienced discomfort and distress. By cutting contact with you, she wants to rid herself of this discomfort and distress.

    anita

    December 20, 2016 at 3:13 pm #123130
    Nora Kelly
    Participant

    So it sounds like I just need to work on accepting that my Best friend has left. I’m very sad about this, it seems like it’s not fixable. But thank you for your help and advice.

    December 20, 2016 at 5:48 pm #123142
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, nkelly. It does read to me, not fixable. I hope you recover from the loss of your friend.
    anita

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