I need to work on a relationship which is bothering me at the moment. It is one of my siblings. I heard something about him which deepens my prejudice towards him. I’ve never really felt close to him and I find him a tricky customer to deal with. I get angry thoughts about what he said or the way he treated me and others. But I have to be careful because it is starting to consume me now, after a conversation I had about him, with another sibling. The conversation triggered my own memories of being the victim of his bullying, arrogant behaviour. But I imagine he wouldn’t view his behaviour that way. He is a pillar of his own community, a highly respected person there. He has a lot of influence on our own family, seemingly the one in charge of it now, since my parents died.
I write this here, not to gain sympathy, to get someone on my side. Rather to dissolve my own pain, my own anger. I don’t want to go around thinking about this for the next 12 months. I can be very obsessive and this kind od thing can really control me.
So I do this to calm down, get back to the present moment, focus on my own life, my own future. Not worry what others are doing or what occurred in the past.
I’ll need to maintain a distance for my own sanity.