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A challenging relationship

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  • #90626
    jock
    Participant

    I need to work on a relationship which is bothering me at the moment. It is one of my siblings. I heard something about him which deepens my prejudice towards him. I’ve never really felt close to him and I find him a tricky customer to deal with. I get angry thoughts about what he said or the way he treated me and others. But I have to be careful because it is starting to consume me now, after a conversation I had about him, with another sibling. The conversation triggered my own memories of being the victim of his bullying, arrogant behaviour. But I imagine he wouldn’t view his behaviour that way. He is a pillar of his own community, a highly respected person there. He has a lot of influence on our own family, seemingly the one in charge of it now, since my parents died.
    I write this here, not to gain sympathy, to get someone on my side. Rather to dissolve my own pain, my own anger. I don’t want to go around thinking about this for the next 12 months. I can be very obsessive and this kind od thing can really control me.
    So I do this to calm down, get back to the present moment, focus on my own life, my own future. Not worry what others are doing or what occurred in the past.
    I’ll need to maintain a distance for my own sanity.

    #90636
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    Can I connect this to the thread about being true to one own self, your other thread of this evening… with my advice, or just leave it alone? I mean, agitate things or leave it alone?
    anita

    #90638
    jock
    Participant

    not sure I like the word agitate, anita.
    Please don’t advise me to have a showdown with this guy.
    I don’t want it to be a win/lose scenario. (and not just because I would probably lose 🙂 )
    The challenge for me is to stay mature, calm and not react to anything he says or anything I hear about him from another sibling.
    In some ways I’d like to just sever our relationship altogether. Now that sounds drastic and it isn;’t practical as I still have to negotiate him in family reunions.
    I disagree with everything he stands for now: which is “reputation, reputation, reputation”. he worships the God of being well-thought of. Actually I find him boring to talk to.
    Oops slipping into vitriol mode.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by jock.
    #90647
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    I was going to suggest a showdown of sorts and I was going to suggest severing contact with him (unless he is paying your bills or holding control of a great family fortune…maybe), so you considered those things yourself. That’s what I meant by agitate: confront/ tell the truth and severe.

    anita

    #90655
    jock
    Participant

    I don’t think actual confrontation is appropriate in this case. Kind of melodramatic and may have reached the stage where we just don’t see eye to eye anymore. Confrontation might be worth it if we both wanted to be closer pals, (which is what we almost were at one stage, except he had the upper hand). I think you need an excuse for a showdown. “Hey Jackass, can I have a few words with you? We need to talk?” Like the boss calling you into his office. 🙂

    #90656
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    I understand. If he calls you Jackass then he will have his ass kicked? It is a delightful image in my mind.

    I like your note on the thread carrying our names, the bias, smiling again… thank you!

    anita

    #90657
    Anonymous
    Guest

    And it is a beautiful, thoughtful, empathetic post to who, that is the post I am referring to here. Very wise. Impressed again…this is not Llama Jack, this is a new inner self. A wise, mature, empathetic, healthier than ever Jack, it seems to me!

    anita

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