Hi Melissa,

You seem fairly young? How old are you? Forgive me for being presumptuous as you haven’t given much detail so I will fill in some blanks for now.

It reads as if your friend realised through your actions/words you were going to/did reject him? So he has cut contact or withdrawn? Do not take this personally, it requires a lot of courage to put your feelings out there and then further strength to withdraw from the person you want, I’m sure he would have wanted to remain friends, but remaining friends with unreciprocated feelings is not easy nor healthy. So your friend is being mature, he is not investing in a low-quality friendship because when feelings become involved in friendships, the dynamic changes.

Life experience you asked for, but without knowing your age I will not overburden you with my background. What I shall say is, relationships will always require both people to be vulnerable to move forward. Vulnerable in a way that you would normally avoid after being hurt in the past. This means willing to take a leap and accepting rejection as an outcome.

Putting up walls is normal, the great thing is you seem to recognise you were acting out of FEAR. Being with someone new is unknown and uncertain can quite honestly raise anxious feelings for anyone, more so for people who have been hurt before. You can’t live life in fear if you want to experience love, so if you see something special in him, I’d say it is your turn to be brave.

How? Reach out and have a simple conversation, communicate. That is all it takes, don’t overcomplicate things by getting inside your head. If he has had his feelings rejected by you, be willing to see how things are playing out from his perspective, and be willing to adjust and empathise with them when you can. One conversation can lead to a new journey, do not let the fear of rejection stop you from looking back with regret at not having given it a chance. If he doesn’t want to continue and cuts you off then that is ok, chalk it up to another experience and you will have learned he was not the one for you,  but you’ll never have lost the opportunity as you tried.

Right now you can sit and contemplate but nothing will ever get off the ground in that manner, so be open and willing to communicate.

Any other help, welcome to ask.

Tim