I need really serious advices on this. Preferably from people in India.
I am from India (26 Male), currently living in Germany to pursue my Masters – which would end around April 2019.
When I was in bachelors (first year), I got to know about Wattpad. Initially, I read stories; later, I started writing too. Just an amateur writer wanting to escape the reality. While I was there, I met this girl (who is the reason I am writing this answer). We just had some normal talks – praising each other’s works. Then, we started getting close. We exchanged our email address and talked on messenger. She did not have a phone at that time and she was in grade 12. She would write her board exams next year. We planned a day before when one of us would be free and online to talk the next day. That’s how it went for most of the part till her exams. After her exams, She got a phone. Soon, from text messages, we shifted over to phone calls. We just liked talking to each other. No feelings of love or any other kind at this point. In her family, talking to boys was considered to be strict. No one could call her at home. But she had a close friend from school (male). He would call her sometimes sneakily. When he got to knew about me, he got jealous. He thought I might be a danger to his love story. It was after a long time I got to know that he was interested in her. He wanted to ask her out; he did a couple of times – not directly. But, she always refused. She wouldn’t do what her parents won’t like.
Next, I hear is that guy asked her to choose between him and myself. When she told me, I was shocked and I laughed. I said I won’t have a say in it. It’s your life. Let me know what you decide. I was curious to know that. My first reaction was he dug his own pit. She told him that she can’t talk to him if he’s asking to choose between two people.
Two Years Later:
I started developing feelings for her. In these two years, we almost talked daily. From morning till night on messages, and then phone calls at night. I told her, let’s not talk for a couple of days. I was afraid of this being one-sided love. She was hurt. She needed someone to listen to her. There were a couple of friends, but somehow she found comfort in me. Maybe, I am a good listener. It couldn’t happen. After, I guess, three days we were back on our old schedule. Meanwhile, we met some people on Wattpad and they became our mutual online friends. I’d confessed to one of the girl there (she was four years older than me, and I called her sister). She told me to pour out my feelings to her. It was the month of January, and I was in the third year when I confessed my feelings to her. Somehow she knew before what I was feeling. She rejected then but wanted me to stay as a friend. I agreed.
Same year Summer – 2013
I wanted to meet her often. We had met just four times before in those two years. I started looking out for an internship in her city. I got one, which was very close to her house (it was intentional). I also took a PG, just a block away from her house. Then, I just wanted to see her, meet her. She was reluctant to meet due to the fear of someone seeing us. We met at very odd places – bookstore, auditorium, sometimes we would just see each other walking in a nearby park.
After that, we could not meet for another year and a half. I completed my engineering and was jobless. One thing I had in my mind was to prepare for GRE or CAT. She was always reluctant when I mentioned her about my plans of going abroad. I gave GRE, but couldn’t give CAT due to less preparation. I was still not sure if I wanted to do MS or MBA. Between all these confusion, I got a job at a small startup. Now the distance between us reduced to a four-hour journey by train. The very next month when I got my first salary, after completing my wish-list of spending that at a couple of places and still left with some, and I told her I am coming to meet you. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. But, still didn’t want to lose her. I gave her some hints again. She knew I was head over heels for her. But, I rarely mentioned this since I last confessed. She dropped some hints (wrote a poem) that she likes me too, but scared of relationships.
Next year (2015) I proposed to her and we were in a relationship now. We were in a long distance relationship. I considered moving to her city and get a job there, but was not getting good options.
Next year (2016) I started looking out for future options. She secured a job outside her home city. First, I thought of moving there. I tried at a couple of places but didn’t like the offer. I decided to do MS. Started giving out GRE again, and applied to some universities in Germany. I got an admit, and I was prepared to leave India in March 2017. We, actually, met a lot in 2016 and till January 2017. We cried a lot when we last saw each other at the airport.
Currently:
I told my parents about her. They were cool about it. Her parents started looking out for a boy for her. Her age now – 23. She kept ignoring them for six months. But one day, in a very tensed situation, she confessed to her mother and her mother gave negative reactions. Her mother opposed a lot when she would mention about me.
Their reasons – I am not financially stable yet. I won’t be financially stable for almost another year from now. They have started emotionally blackmailing her. After just four months, from confessing, she decides that she wants to quit. When asking about the problem that her parents have with me – she says that her mother told her we are not that orthodox, but he is not even settled yet; we need someone who is already settled and has some savings already. Her messages are now more formal. She is not happy when we talk on the video call. She says she doesn’t want to hurt her parents. Her family will have a bad name in society if she did anything stupid. She’s getting marriage proposals almost every day. Her parents are not even ready to talk to me. I could go to India to meet them if they agree to talk. They say there’s nothing to talk. Her mother tells her time will heal everything, stop talking to him.
The other day I spoke a cheesy line on her and she got upset. She said you are wasting your time, nothing can happen in the future. I tried to convince her to hold on till I complete my MS and then when I have a good job, they might change their mind. But, she says that she can’t handle more pressure; on one side, it’s my parents who are being emotional and sentimental and on the other side, you. I can’t see my parents unhappy.
I am broken and shattered. I don’t know what to do. I tried all I could to convince but she is not ready to listen to me and hung up the call twice (which is very rare).
I really love her a lot. For me, it’s yes or yes. There was never a no. I was always positive that her parents would understand. We were so emotionally connected to each other.
I don’t know how would I move on or how she would move on because she is very emotional with respect to her friends. I also understand what her parents are trying to say – they do have a legit point, but all I ask from her is patience and time. Anyway, she wanted to marry after 25. But with all the pressure from her parents, she’s kind of given up.
We still talk – she, still kind of formal; I am still the mad lover.
How or what should I say to her to make her understand things?