Yoda428:

What were you doing on your daughter’s iPad and in your daughter’s Facebook? Do you consider this to be an invasion of your daughter’s privacy?

I have things in mind to write about the rest of your post but your answer to the question above is crucial to me, so I have an idea who I am communicating with.

anita

Dear yoda428:

I hope you do not go into your daughter’s Facebook account again, whatever it takes, so to respect her privacy.

Of course what is seen on Facebook is not at all what is so. Photos often do not represent reality, they are just photos.

To the main thing: you have a need in your from your earliest days on this earth, to be seen, to be valued, to be accepted, to be loved- by your parents. This need obviously was not satisfied then. You were needy adn clingy with your ex wife because of this unmet need perculating in your neurons until you address it adequately. Obviously, in your spiritual journey, you haven’t gotten to that place yet of listening to that need, seeing where it started, addressing the HURT of that little boy that you were, that little boy in you still.

That “aching feeling” you refer to in your original post, I believ, is that unmet need, from your childhood.

““Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” said Yoda. Name your NEED, feel the pain of your hurt when it was not met, that need, when you were not loved. See WHO the person that didn’t love you was (unloving), then you will see you were not un-lovable.

Loveable you are.

anita

Don’t let her know that you are having a hard time. Ex is an ex because there’s a good reason for that. It’s her loss, not yours!

Also, screw Facebook! It gives you distorted vision of reality. I mean, would you expect people to post dirty laundry on their FB pages? No, they are all “smilling and having a great time”…. Oh, how wonderful life is….

For all that we know, your ex might be suffering more than you do, it’s just that you don’t know it.

So don’t let her know that you are in bad mood. Find a way to let her know that you are over her.

Stop obsessing, go out and meet people. You will soon realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by kalashari.

Hi Yoda428, what you’re going through is almost identical to what I’m going through with my ex. We’ve been divorced 3 years and have a kid so I could not just cut her off and move on, I have to deal with her on visitation and child support and will until our son turns 18.

Because of our kid, we have to stay in contact but she seemed to move on with no problem at all after we split but in her case, she moved right in with the guy she was cheating with and has lived with him ever since. She posts all kinds of pics on FB of her new life which is much better than what I could provide. I only make about $35k a year and her bf makes about 140k. Add to that the $550 per month she gets from me in child support and she has a pretty good life. I have not seen her wear the same clothes twice since we split. He’s taken her to Vegas, Hawaii, the Florida Gulf Coast…and who knows where else. I was never able to even take her out to dinner because money was so tight. She is going to school to get a second degree at the best University in our State and of course the jewelry…its unreal. She lost 40 lbs and now works out and has a model’s body, abs, super confidence etc. and before the final divorce date, I asked her to lunch so I could ask her one last time to reconsider but she just spent the next 15 minutes telling me how great her bf was as a way to show me that I was a total loser in her eyes.

Anyway, it still hurts me to see her when we exchange our son and she always wears sexy clothes to show off her body and she treats me like crap, won’t even speak to me, text only because I’m below her too much to speak to. She is arrogant, greedy selfish and I can’t stand her personality and I am thankful every day that she left because she was such a bitch but she is soooo sexy and good looking, I have lust for her. But, she was unhappy while we were married and now I know its because I didn’t make enough money. She is a Sagittarius born in the Year of the Rooster, if that means anything to you..it explains a lot to me.

After the divorce, I was determined to never marry again and besides, on my salary and paying so much in child support, no woman wants me anyway so when I found Buddhism, it showed my how things really are and I was able to let go of a lot of unimportant things that really made me much lighter and happier in my life.. …but not completely.

I still struggled with feelings for my ex but through meditation and mindfulness, I was able to at least lessen if not eliminate hate, anger, resentment and jealousy to where I could function but what I could not let go of…and still struggle with today, is the way I was treated in court and the anti-men bias. They gave her everything even though it was her that cheated. I got so screwed by the Family court system that even divorced women I’ve told my story to are shocked by how much I have to pay and what they let her do and have.

So, its been hard to get over that. And of course, having an entire State Justice system on her side only makes her even more arrogant and dictatorial. I really try hard to practice and I meditate and read and study and I’m more mindful than ever but there is still that little pull on my heart when I see her because she is gorgeous, a real head turner. But, you know, I got to thinking, and I realized there is a real good chance that she and her bf are not happy at all. Without going on in detail, I can see cracks in her perfect FB world and I would not be surprised if he is cheating on her or vice versa. Both of them are money hungry and greed never produces happy people. I have been alone for 3 years, never even talked to another woman, I was so happy being alone with my own home, my own life and really had the best peace and happiness ever. But I just missed having an intimate relationship. However, I now know its much better to be alone than with a greedy, arrogant bitch.

But, a month ago at work, my office door opened and in walked the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was much younger than I and looked like an angel, had a sweet voice and was the nicest and most courteous person ever. She was an employee at my job in another department and working overtime and she had locked herself out of her office and wanted to know if I could help her. I had keys to her office so I walked with her and opened the door and before we knew it, we had chatted for an hour and a half!

We clicked on everything. She comes to my office every day we work together now and we talk way more than any supervisor would be happy about but we make it look like work LOL…I know, its stealing from the company. Whatever. We are now very close and we are texting everyday and all night. I told her my age and she was like, “Well, I’ve always preferred older men. My ex is 15 years older than me.” So, I was like, cool.

We are not just friends. There is a strong emotional attachment and if she let’s me all the way in (to her heart) then I’m ready to commit to her fully. Last night, I took my son to his mom and when I saw her, I felt nothing. Could not care less about my ex other than she is the mother of my son. I don’t envy her bf at all. Even if this new friend of mine and I don’t form a lasting relationship, it is showing me that I still have a life to live without my ex. I’m moving on, its just taking a long time and its real gradual. Plus, I know my ex and her bf are suffering all the ups and downs of life too. All that money does not and will not make them happy, no matter how delusional they are.

So, hang in there and don’t worry about your ex. Keep trying to remember that she is deluded into believing that all her clothes and going out etc is the Path to happiness when you know its not. One day, we will all die and when we look back on our lives, will we regret that we didn’t buy more clothes?