Hi everyone!

I’ve been a fan of this website for some time, and just found this forum section last week. I’m hoping someone can help me out before I seek counselling.

I’m 25-years-old and my boyfriend and I have been together for 6-years this year. Despite me being with my previous partner from 16 – 21, it was very abusive (mentally) and controlling. As soon as I left that relationship I jumped into a new one with my current boyfriend, and I think this is where a lot of our current issues stem from. I never took the time to ‘heal’ and really get over my ex – I used my new relationship to do that. I soon after realised that I was not over him, when I would still call him behind my boyfriend’s back, send him cheeky pictures and think of him. It devastated me when I found out he had a new girlfriend and watching the way he treated her (which appears to be better than how he treated me) really hurt me.

When my current boyfriend found out about me sending pictures to my ex and talking to him behind his back – the trust was lost. He then cheated on me with a woman, and when I found out, I wanted to revenge because I was so hurt, that I did it back to him. It was tit-for-tat for 8 +months. I found out about girls he was seeing, and sleeping with and he found out about a man who was 20+ years older than me that I was seeing/sleeping with. It was only until last year when he got into a really bad bike accident which nearly took his life, we became very close again and allowed us to build are relationship back up as I was 100% selfless, and catered to him. I cooked for him, took him for drives, clean his road rash everyday and bathed him. We were happy.

Now, we’re back in a space where we don’t trust each other again. My best friend is a single gay guy, and so often times I’m his ‘wingman’ when he’s out. He hangs around straight guys most times, and recently I started hanging out with the group of 4 straight guys + my gay friend. My boyfriend has a problem with this. He asks me all the time if any of the guys like me, and I always reply “probably…but it doesn’t matter because I don’t like them”. We have great times out together and really know how to party. But even just being friends – it’s a problem. He always think’s I’m sleeping around. Even in university he thought my male mates were guys I liked, and wanted to sleep with. Point is, HE DOES NOT LIKE ME AROUND GUYS.

Over the years, I started lying to him about who I was hanging out with because if I told him it was guys he would automatically assume that I liked one of them (which is not the case). But this has ruined our trust again because when he finds out that I lied about who I was with, it does make me look suspicious. He has created a space in our relationship where I don’t feel comfortable about telling him the truth. When I’m honest he jumps down my throat, and accuses me still. When I lie – it’s the same thing.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve both been through so much but I’m tired of being in a relationship where I have to be okay with him doing things that he jumps down my throat for. I want to be honest with him about everything but not like this….

• This topic was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by IslandGirl17.
• This topic was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by IslandGirl17.