23 and never been in love

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Adam P.

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December 20, 2016 at 8:44 pm #123172

Kelsey Neighbors
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I’m 23 years old and I’ve never had a healthy relationship where I and the other were in love.

I meet a guy, we start hanging out, (2 weeks to a month) and he seems REALLY into me… and then bam! Not interested. Stops talking to me.. I usually let him have space and then after a week or so I hit him up to hangout.. and either no answer, or the guy comes up with an excuse. Then nothing.

A part of me thinks the universe knows I need to reach my full potential and deal with some family things first… I just recently cut ties with my mother and my father and I are finally trying to meet up after 7 years of no contact.

I’m sure my past has something to do with my relationship patterns but I love myself and I’m ready to share my life with someone.

I believe I am beautiful inside and out. I have a blissful life in the mountains, snowboarding, hiking, working, gardening, cooking delicious food, and sharing laughs with friends. I make my own kombucha and love to run in the mornings.

I am generally happy, but some nights I wonder if someone will ever want to be in a relationship with me…or if I am doing something wrong in the start of these relationships.. because it seems like I have a repellent for the opposite sex.

Help? Thoughts? Advice?
Any love would be appreciated !

December 20, 2016 at 10:34 pm #123181

Miss.Lex
Participant

Hi kdizzle,

I think that an important question to ask yourself is why do you value love? More specifically the romantic type of love relationship? Once you have truly answered that question for yourself you will begin to either A) further emphasize what you already know about love, or B) perhaps discover something much deeper than you were expecting about yourself.

In regards to what you said about wondering if someone will ever want to be in a relationship with you, well, those are negative thoughts that sometimes we create in our mind based on either consistent experiences or assumptions that may not be true. During that time we generally think something is wrong with us and concluding that we are not valued by another person. However, it may not be case. Perhaps that person that left you/ignored you/rejected you, or whatever [insert some other type of reason to end communication], is not fully ready to commit, which I would extremely emphasize, it’s not you, it’s them! Or perhaps there is an area that we need to explore more about ourselves and what it means to be in a relationship with someone

I think that you have strong idea of you are right now, have surrounded yourself with activities that you value, and seem to have a good sense of self. I honestly think that if you continue to focus on yourself the right people will come into your life that may surprise you.

I hope that helps somehow and would love to hear your thoughts about what you think love is for you!

– Lexie

December 21, 2016 at 3:16 am #123190

Lidewij
Participant

Hi,

well you are only 23, you are very young. And many guys that you meet don’t really want a relationship. They think they do, and then they realise they don’t. It hasn’t got anything to do with you.

My advice to you is to enjoy your own life, nurture your friendships and everything you like to do. Try not to worry about men. There is nothing wrong with you that you have not been in love yet! It’s totally normal. Remember that when you look at other people’s relationships, you don’t see the whole picture.

I am 27 now and in a relationship, it is the first actual happy relationship I have been in. And now I wish I would not have spend so much time being in relationships with guys who were not worth it when I was around your age! So consider yourself lucky.

Again: there is NOTHING wrong with you or your situation. Love will come, and you deserve it, there is no fixing you have to do, you are so enough it’s ridiculous. It just hasn’t arrived yet for whatever reason.

x

December 21, 2016 at 3:28 am #123191

Nina Sakura
Participant

Hello,

You sounds like a wonderful gal and I am sure you will eventually fine the one. I have seen time and again in my life that when the time is right, it’s meant to be, things work out. You arent a repellant to men. Some relationships didn’t work out but you know what, you don’t need 10 men, 10 relationships, you need one right one for you. Those guys weren’t meant for you. I believe something better is planned for you, that’s why these aren’t working out. Be patient and keep an open heart – you are 23 only, some people find their soulmates much later even – that’s really what counts – one right one and the good memories we make with the one that don’t work out. It will be alright, you will find an amazing man at the right time.

Regards
Nina

December 22, 2016 at 1:56 am #123269
VJ
Participant
Dear Lidewij,

“there is NOTHING wrong with you or your situation. Love will come, and you deserve it, there is no fixing you have to do, you are so enough it’s ridiculous. It just hasn’t arrived yet for whatever reason.”

I liked your above ideology such that I added it to this post as #12 (and I hope you don’t mind it 🙂 )
(http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/how-to-find-love/#post-123268)

It is so “releasing” for someone looking for love that half of the worries at that moment while reading vanishes, and makes way for love again in the heart, which is what is required. It gives an AHA moment.

Take care,
VJ
- This reply was modified 8 years ago by VJ.
- This reply was modified 8 years ago by VJ.
December 23, 2016 at 10:18 am #123376

Adam P
Participant

Hi there kdizzle,
If I can provide some science behind the whole trouble with relationships and young people is due to the fact even though you can drive at 16, vote at 18 and legally drink at 21, young adults are still developing their minds to their environment and surroundings. It is believed that the human brain (specifically the prefrontal cortex) does not fully mature until age 25/26. Before that young adults are figuring out who they are and where they fit in the world. Of course for some adults maturity takes a little longer, but on average that is the case. Throw in a complicated emotion and action of unconditional love and you have recipe for confusion and awkwardness. Just continue focusing on your job, activities/hobbies and growing yourself from within and eventually you will attract a guy who has been working on himself and the two of you will have a loving relationship where the two of you grow together with each of you bringing your talents and abilities to the relationship.
Thank You and Take Care
-AP85
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