Hopelessdreamer,

Before anything else, I want to say I think you have courage, courage to at least be at a forum like this one, asking for advice on something which you don’t feel like you can handle alone. Even though you’re anonymous, you seem like you are trying to help yourself, which to me is not a sign of being weak but actually being strong enough to recognize your own need for answers from somewhere outside of yourself sometimes.

That said, I’ll tell you: I am not too far ahead from 23. I remember it easily. But I am far enough to have SOME perspective, I think.

Things really change when we leave college/high school, especially if we’ve been “GOOD” kids and have stayed in school trying to do well since we started kindergarten. When I left college (I mean, graduated), I remember I was feeling lost. I had finished completely and even had had friends all through school, but at the end, I remember my mood really having changed.
At around 23, I got a job (my first real professional job), which definitely helped things a little. I had somewhere to be, new friends to make, and of course, I was earning money. Fast forward a year a and a half and again, my overall mood got darker, with depression being something I REALLY started feeling.

I’m no certified life coach, but I would say this to you: be kind to yourself, and, as hard as it may be, do try to appreciate what you DO have. If you have a job (granted that it’s not minimum wage, a graveyard shift, or involving working with a really toxic person/situation), really try to keep it and do the best you can. You may not have a boyfriend or feel insecure, but I can guarantee that others who might have boyfriends may not be as happy as they always seem. I have seen at least one friend, and know of others, who married in their twenties (and had great jobs, and whose life seemed “perfect” from the outside), later divorced (before even being in their mid-thirties). Some of them I think only after a few years of marriage.

Be kind to yourself. And also patient. Know that, if you’ve been in school, like I was, for about 20 years, life is going to seem strange/different for a while. It’s even bigger than leaving high school in some ways!
Get help from wherever. If your parents are around, they may be more understanding than they seem. If you need a therapist you think, try to find one. Whatever feels right for you, you should try to do.

I can write a lot, but for now I’ll stop and just again say: be kind to yourself, be grateful for what you do have (as HARD as that may be), and seek help from wherever.

I wish you what you are looking for, and I’m sure you are already on your way to find it/them 🙂
Good luck!

Dear Dreamer

You are not hopeless

Dear Jerris

You are not hopeless either

I am struggling just as you, and young just as you. I am really scared also and sometimes overwhelmed with negativity. However, as Choudry kindly said, we do not have perspective. Because of our age we lack patience. I believe this is the source of self criticism. But each problem is slightly different. The greatest relief would be a supportive person really next too you instead in front of you, like this computer. This site has helped me and still does in diffucult times but sincerely, human contact has releaved me most through the years. Talking to a person besides you will specify your concerns and help you overcome them. Keep in mind that if you listen carefully, your instict, while calm and uncriticised, will give you the advise you seek. I am stuggling by your side and so many more people. You are not alone in the adversities of life.

Be well
George