I fell in love with a very driven man. When I met him he had goals, dreams, and aspirations. Our relationship started because he chased me for 6 months with clear determination that I was the one he wanted. Now 2 years in, I am wondering if he still has that same passion? Can it come back? Where did it go?

In the beginning, we immediately fell in love and thought we were soul mates, we matched on many different levels. No matter how long we were together, 2 months, 5 months, it felt like we knew each other for a lifetime. Randomly life happened, hurricane sandy happened, and he moved into my apartment. We got along just fine living together, happy, and having fun, still while he was finishing his degree and working. We both thought we found it, “the one”, in each other. Then along the one year mark, I noticed all his attention was on his school work and job. I gave him the excuse that we didn’t need to go out to dinner or have new experiences because he was tired. I thought this was being supportive. I did this, mainly with the thought, that he was working this hard for our future and when school was over, we would fall back into our blissful state, focusing on our relationship, focusing on each other. So when school ended, that is when the fights began, i believe it’s because my expectations changed. I informed him that this was the time for us to focus on our relationship since a lot of his attention for the past year was focused on school & work. Now was the time to enjoy the summer, each other, and moments of passion together. Instead, he was depressed, his company had new partners and he was making less money. He wasn’t happy, he felt down, there was a lack of confidence. In turn, he didn’t want to go out on the weekends, he didn’t want to have sex, he just wanted to be comfortable sitting on the couch. I voiced how I felt and what my expectations where and tried to meet him half way through many conversations. Reminding him that the best is yet to come, and his dream job was lined up oct 1st. Now is the time to relax and enjoy your “last summer”, so to speak, with less responsibilities. He agreed and said he would try.

6 months later, here we are. He has started his new job, his dream job. He’s so passionate and excited, he can’t stop talking about his job and I can see such enjoyment from him about it. It’s quite bittersweet, because I am so proud that he has accomplished his goal and made it to his dream job, but I realize that his passion is not coming from the relationship but from his work. We still aren’t having sex regularly, every date we have been on was initiated by me, any plans with friends, I initiated. I have gotten upset because I feel physically disconnected from him. I also feel I can not be the only one bringing excitement and passion to the relationship. I told him we needed to elevate these concerns or we would be doomed to fail. I thought when I told him all of this he would agree, say that he wouldn’t ever want to lose me, etc. but he hasn’t. He has admitted that I don’t deserve to feel this way and he’s sorry if I feel taken advantage of. That he minimized my needs and dismissed how I felt all summer long when I started our fights. He thought, whats good for him is good for me. Healso admitted he lost sight of us & our goals and was only focusing on himself.

I am worried that, underneath it all, he is a selfish person, and in the end this will be our demise. I just don’t understand how you can you love someone, but not make them your priority over a career. Or how you can say you love someone but dismiss their feelings for many months at a time? Yet when we talked about it verbalize that you are going to try.

I guess I am scared that who he truly is, might not be someone that is as passionate about the relationship and about our goals, as I am. It was in the beginning but it didn’t last. I also am scared that we are facing these types of challenges only 2 years in. Aren’t you supposed to be in a state of bliss now? I am 25, he is 29. Any insight is appreciated!