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Yudine

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • January 5, 2015 at 10:21 am #69334
    Yudine
    Participant

    @gaelicgirl said:
    That little sentence hit me like a ton of bricks. 15 years together, 10 years married, and 2 children later I thought that things were good, maybe not terrific, like our honeymoon years, but happy. Apparently, I was wrong. It’s been about 6 months since he said those words to me and we’ve been working on things only to be having problems again. He loves me but he doesn’t love me the way he did a year ago, 5 years ago, or when we married (he actually told me this). He’s not cheating on me so it just makes me a bit crazy to think that he can fall out of love when I seemingly thought things were fine. It was a tough pill to swallow. I lived and breathed in the deepest depression, fighting to stay in “survival mode” for my kids sake. The funny part is that now after dealing with all the pain, grief, and stress of it all I feel…better. Almost like I’m at peace, even though my husband still hasn’t made up his mind about us. I think I’m okay because its a defense mechanism. I can’t go on living and working in that deep dark place so I need to move on and try to find some joy in my daily life. After finding this website and reading the articles and posts I feel stronger knowing that I am not alone. For some strange reason I’m okay. I’m taking one day at a time and trying not to overwhelm myself with the future. I’m still not certain what I’m going to do… though honestly, I’m going to wait for him to tell me his answer. My husband made his choice and now I want him to tell me to my face that he no longer loves me and wants a divorce. I’m not going to bail him out and say I want a divorce. I feel he needs to accept responsibility for his choices and actions. Once he tells me what he wants I will make a decision whether or not to stay with him. I think that is fair.

    ===========================================================

    Hi gaelicgirl,

    eventhough I’m not very experienced in married life, but from what I read from your post, I have a differing view.
    This might or might not be what your husband is going through, but I find it important to let you know, and hope you can stay blissful with your husband, kids and life.

    From what I understand, so far everything has been quite smooth sailing, and because it has been many years, maybe what he is going through is a little bit of doubt with his life. He might be feeling too comfortable with everything, and thus the burning passion has calmed down, and it’s just there burning on its own quietly but he mistook it as ‘he lost the feeling of loving you’. But as he said, he still loves you, and is totally faithful and not cheating on you, so I think maybe you can try to get that passion burning strongly again? (Many things takes 2 hands to clap. You should not give up just because he thinks he don’t love you.) What if he was wrong about his own thinking? It might end up as a great mistake for both your lifes. You can try to make him feel more loved, like organising family outing? Picnics? Or let someone trustable take care of your kids, and go on a 2-person date alone! Watch your old videos with him? Your old wedding photos and videos and the vows? Dress up for the special occasion and talk to him calmly about what you think , it might after all work out.

    As long as he doesn’t do anything unfaithful, I’m sure his heart is still with you, because afterall, you guys have been together for so many years. I’m sure it’s because of both of you working hard in this relationship, so don’t give up.

    Because we are all humans, I know it might not sound right for someone to get ‘bored’ of their smooth sailing life or relationship, but it isn’t impossible. We all need a little enthusiasm and excitment sometime in our life to make things fun and stuff. 🙂

    Hope everything works out well for you!!
    My best wishes~

    December 19, 2014 at 6:50 pm #69536
    Yudine
    Participant

    Hi Dude,

    I believe most of us has seen such videos. I came by a few of such videos too.
    And have to let you know that, it’s not just that country that you mentioned.
    Actually, most countries on Earth are doing similar things.
    There are whales hunting in western, and asian country, where you anime comes from too.
    And alot other acts against animals.
    Most of it started long ago before we were born and it kind of settled into their cultures.
    Even the kids of the parents who work for a living doing such things learn from the parents and grow up feeling nothing about it sometimes.

    If being an activist or joining / trying to help them little by little, would help you in feeling abit better, there are actually alot of such communities trying to petition to stop/ minimize such acts.
    You can search them up but read about them first. I believe some of it could also be a lie, because I have heard of some communities accepting donations but not using the money to help at all too.

    I ever thought of earning alot and helping other people/ animals and stuffs, but this is not up to us.
    So I would suggest trying to help within your capabilities and sharing such things with your friends and others to let them know of it. It’s a greater strength with more people.

    There are also many whom believes that human have the intellectual and is at the top of the food chain, and animals are born to be eaten. but I still think we are over-poaching.

    Humans, like animals need to eat, but animals only kill when they need food, or being self defensive of their territory and stuffs. It will only end if everyone becomes vegetarians but then there might be shortage of plants and animal food chain would get affected too, because every little change in the food chain would affect everything in the world.

    Example: Humans eating too much meat and over killing > less food for other carnivorous animals > less animals at top of food chain(excluding humans), more lower food chain animals thrive > more plants get eaten (humans affect the plant habitats too, like deforestation), less plants more carbon dioxide > more heat gets trapped in the Earth atmosphere > temperature on Earth increases gradually > Ice melts quickly > sea level rises > continents get engulfed by sea gradually > lesser place for populations > lesser habitats for animals to live (cold climate animals have no place to live because everywhere becomes too warm ) > less food less place more heat, virus, bacteria, flies and mosquitoes and dieseases thrive, humans and animals get affected > climatic change, Earth would have different reactions like more typhoon, volcano eruptions, tsunami, etc.

    So afterall, the older generations might have helped us but also kill us slowly. But you have to know this is how humans lived all these years. Technologies may have helped us, but also kill the Earth because of how we use it to build things everywhere.
    No human is faultless. I am not asking you to blame yourself. Just sharing with you what I understand thus far.
    Everyone is trying to survive in different culture and ways of living. The rich have so much wealth but not every one of them helps. Most of them infact used it to build more stuff for business to get richer. But I believe not all of them are like that.

    Since you are affected by these, you can try to help in your own ways. We are born into this world, sometimes to help others, and bring joy to others and the same to animals and plants. As much as we can save, if you have the abilities when you’re older, maybe you can try to help conserve some endangered animals or stop some acts, or if too big an ambition, even having some smaller animals at home and making their lifes happier (like dogs and cats, and plants), I believe is good too.

    What I mentioned may not fully be accurate, but what I have learned from and just my opinion.

    December 19, 2014 at 6:09 pm #69534
    Yudine
    Participant

    Hi Kelly!
    May I know which art site it is? Why do they bully you on it?
    I know a lot of commercial artists and most of them are great people!
    See where they are coming from, and try not to dwell too much into what they say to you.
    It’s unhealthy to get affected by what is not important in your life.
    They are just another human who might be feeling bad behind their computers trying to put others down sometimes too.
    I do not know the reason of their doings, but do not let yourself be affected.
    Keep striving and working on improving your skills, no matter what others say about you or your work.
    You will improve that way too.

    • This reply was modified 10 years ago by Yudine.
    December 19, 2014 at 6:16 am #69502
    Yudine
    Participant

    Hi Gaelicgirl,

    I see, sorry to hear that.
    Wish you the best and stay strong!

    December 16, 2014 at 9:10 am #69346
    Yudine
    Participant

    Hi Vidalevi!
    I agree with Maya! Your family are very pessimistic and discouraging, but I can’t fault them because some people are just born and brought up in a different environment and culture that makes them into who they are and what they think now.
    So don’t listen to everything that they tells you, even though they brought you into this world and took care of you till now.
    Love them as you would to anyone nice to you.
    But look forward to your future with positive thinkings, and be brave~
    I totally understand if you are shy, because I am actually very shy in opening up my feelings too. :/

    But ” They are like- ‘you are too old to dream about things like that. You are supposed to get practical. You are old and you will not get what you area of. You have to settle down with whomever comes even if you like or not.”
    Now my family emotionally blackmails me and tells me that I’m a disgrace that I’m still not married and they cannot move in the society with their head held high. Everyone are making fun of them because of me. My friends tell me that now you cannot have any list of requirements for your SO. ”

    these are not healthy for your mind. You shouldn’t let these affect you.
    Anyone is capable and totally deserve to dream. Sometimes, maybe they are just not good with words maybe? They might say hurtful things, but actually still love you as a family. It is like that sometimes with my family too. But from their actions, I know they love me. You certainly have the right to deserve what you want, because everyone has every right to dream of what they want. Looks isn’t everything. If you have a good heart, I believe you will touch someone nice someday too. 🙂

    And if you have a family in the future, make sure to never put down any one of them with discouraging words like your family now, because you know how it will hurt and affect them!

    Think positive!

    • This reply was modified 10 years ago by Yudine.
    December 16, 2014 at 8:47 am #69344
    Yudine
    Participant

    Hi gaelicgirl,

    eventhough I’m not very experienced in married life, but from what I read from your post, I have a differing view.
    This might or might not be what your husband is going through, but I find it important to let you know, and hope you can stay blissful with your husband, kids and life.

    From what I understand, so far everything has been quite smooth sailing, and because it has been many years, maybe what he is going through is a little bit of doubt with his life. He might be feeling too comfortable with everything, and thus the burning passion has calmed down, and it’s just there burning on its own quietly but he mistook it as ‘he lost the feeling of loving you’. But as he said, he still loves you, and is totally faithful and not cheating on you, so I think maybe you can try to get that passion burning strongly again? (Many things takes 2 hands to clap. You should not give up just because he thinks he don’t love you.) What if he was wrong about his own thinking? It might end up as a great mistake for both your lifes. You can try to make him feel more loved, like organising family outing? Picnics? Or let someone trustable take care of your kids, and go on a 2-person date alone! Watch your old videos with him? Your old wedding photos and videos and the vows? Dress up for the special occasion and talk to him calmly about what you think , it might after all work out.

    As long as he doesn’t do anything unfaithful, I’m sure his heart is still with you, because afterall, you guys have been together for so many years. I’m sure it’s because of both of you working hard in this relationship, so don’t give up.

    Because we are all humans, I know it might not sound right for someone to get ‘bored’ of their smooth sailing life or relationship, but it isn’t impossible. We all need a little enthusiasm and excitment sometime in our life to make things fun and stuff. 🙂

    Hope everything works out well for you!!
    My best wishes~

    December 16, 2014 at 8:45 am #69343
    Yudine
    Participant

    Ohya! And also don’t forget to spend time doing things you love, on your own!
    Doing things that you love, your hobby(handicraft? outdoor sports? inventing new dishes? painting new art pieces? explore and learn new cultures? spending time bonding and doing fun stuffs with children? ) will make you a happier person even without anyone else!

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