OK, i made the call to the suicide prevention lifeline. Eighteen minute wait time, glad I was not suicidal. The problem is all their solutions require resources and she has none. They require her to voluntarily go to get help. That wont be happening unless she is at the point of desperation and unless I am not around she is not at that place. I have been her resource,. If it comes down to it I can continue to pay to get her help but, again I am not breaking things off by doing that. I am continuing to enable her. They provided numbers and gave me some numbers locally that I can contact all of which are treatment facilities. I have called and spoken to them and basically I need to take her in physically if she is to the point of taking her life. That will be hard to accomplish. They also advised if I feel she is going to kill herself I can call the police and get a mental health warrant possibly.. The police are telling me it is not illegal to commit suicide in this state. So, I have that information to use when needed. . Hopefully the police will take her to a place that will keep her from harm. I also talked to her psychiatrist who prescribes her meds and her therapist all of which I have been providing for her in an effort to keep her off the ledge and functional. It is a house of cards. She is expecting me to come meet with her and I will be right back in the middle of it all again. I have been able to prevent her from being on the ledge for the last several days but, I cannot keep the balls in the air much longer. I am coming to the end of this. I do not want to continue to have to support her and I do not want to have be in the relationship any longer I wanted to explain to them the situation hoping someone can give me a solution The reality is there really is no easy way out of this.

For the present moment and the next few days I have been able to get her out of state to a place of safety. I know when this week is over and I attempt move to forward yet again with the thing I have to do she will again go to that place of despair and become suicidal again. I caved yet again because of the relentless calls and texts and pleading and promises of certain suicide. So, I sent her for some help and got her meds reviewed and propped her up , give her money and a vacation and start it all over again. She will not accept the fact that I am not at the place she is in life or in this relationship. She is delusional and convinced we will be together.
I really appreciate the comments and the advice. Joanna you are absolutely right. It is the facts I need to hear. I do need strength to do what I have to do. I hate to see her suffer, but I have to move forward some how. I have my daughter also getting some help as well for her depression and because the two of them are such opposing forces it has given me a little respite from the constant stress and meltdowns I have between the two of them. I am going to find a way to make peace in my life and I must maske changes to do so. Change is needed. Change is required.

So far she is still alive. I have been able to be involved to the extent that I helped her get through the past few days and her severe meltdowns,anguish and suicidal attempts/desires that she has had. I have tried to continue moving forward, albeit very slowly continuing to let her know my priorities and my absolute need for change but at the same time trying to give her hope. I cancelled my credit card I let her use because she said she was going to buy a gun. Apparently ,she tried but there is a waiting period. I don’t know if she can come to a place to realize I am not her answer or her solution to peace and happiness. My prayers have been answered that she for now is of the cliff. But, she is so wrapped up in this whole me or nothing matters mentality if I am not talking to her she starts going to that cliff again. She has called me like a hundred times the last three days most of the time drugged up and almost incoherent. I talked to her step mom and she has no real empathy for her to really sincerely comfort or help her. The fact is she has been in a bad place. She tried to overdose by taking all her Xanax and slept for like 16 hours. She did not know what day it was. I feared she had overdosed since the constant calling stopped. I was relieved that it did, but had a terrible sense of fear at the same time thinking she had taken her life. I had someone go make sure she was still alive. I gave her friend money for food get her dogs fed and food purchased. I was told she also sat in the garage with the engine on while texting me to take care of her dogs and not to come to her service. When she had the gun idea she texted me an apology for the mess it would make but that the coroner would clean it up. It is very touch and go with her right now. I am trying to be available enough so she does not do something to herself but hoping I can slowly get her to another place. A place were she is at least safe so she has a foot hold. She sent me an long email all about ending it all and I just tried to point her to positive thoughts and future hope which mad her mad but maybe that is good if she gets to a point of anger it is better than despair. Prayers are needed! Need to keep her safe, but stay strong.