The more I think about this woman, the more I smile inside about her. Just might be better than what I thought I had with the previous woman. I believe that this woman is single at the moment, as she just referenced living with just her daughter.

She is actually cuter than the previous one. In many respects, she is beautiful. Not my “ideal,” but seems to have good physical attributes, just wish that she was taller.

I know that she is college educated, because I know her very remotely from work.

My previous interest claimed that she was was glass-half full. I thought that maybe her moodiness was caused by stress, or PMS when I noticed her icy-cold approach and a couple of days later observed behaviors that led me to believe she was having her period, or something else.

i am a bit concerned that I saw the previous woman be anxious to go to lunch with me, including waiting outside of the courtroom for me to get done. Of course, I had to seek her out to initially get that date.

Not used to having a woman somewhat pursue me. She came up to my table the first time and sat down and couldn’t seem to stop looking at me.

Not used to having a woman so interested. But damn, I feel good when I am with her. Like I said, the smile of a woman gives me a feeling of wellbeing and completeness that I have not found elsewhere.

Anxious and nervous about tomorrow. Apart from being shorter than ideal and having a child, she fits most of what I am looking for.

I think that I will take off the body armour for that date. I think I will trust her. I don’t know why, I want to trust her. I will approach it from an optimistic point. I will give it a shot at being approachable and being positive.

Always thought that it was the men who wound up having to pursue women. Thoughts on what I should take away from her interests? I think I can take away that she is at least interested in me as a person. She doesn’t know of my financial resources. I am not that great looking, so she probably isn’t interested in me for my looks. Perhaps she is interested in me for me?

Finally back to this.

I agree that there are industries build around this massive wave of fear being created. However, there is a difference between fear and preparedness.

Some politicians and their corporate backers push such things as needing to fortify our infrastructure because terrorists will blow up substations, etc. That is fear mongering. We couldn’t possibly make every substation “secure”.

Reality is looking at the huge number of substations in the country and realizing that they can’t all be protected. Heck, in the state I live in, the space is too open to fortify.

Preparedness is making sure that if the power grid takes a dive for whatever reason, you have food and water, and a means of maintaining the same.

As far as products go, lots of people buy stuff they will never use out of fear. But, again, there is the difference between preparedness and fear.

I tend to collect firearms and ammunition. Also, get death threats every now and then. Is it fear to buy weaponry or is it preparation?

Just rather disgusted by the whole OMG we live in terror stuff. I think that it drains society. You can’t run at full red alert forever. Will write more later

You are right, we tend to be analytic. Throughout school, basically labeled as someone who didn’t think like everybody else. Crushed all of the intelligence tests. As long as the course’s subject didn’t involve subjective interpretations (or math), I did well.

I am a prosecutor who specializes in complex appeals, drug, financial, computer, weapons, and homicide cases. I also do sex offender commitment. The more complex the case, the better my results. Not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse, especially when folks find out what I do and where I live. It’s not that uncommon to find me working on a project after hours with opera, organ music, or anime soundtracks cranked up (right now listening to the Macross soundtrack for example).

Generally wear emotional armour so-to-speak. Every day on the job, I get lied to. I don’t flinch when looking at homicide photos. I have to make calls as to what to charge out and what not to. One attorney who used to be the state’s attorney out here said he gave it up because he reached the point where he didn’t believe anyone. Kind of know that feeling.

Hehe, secret dungeon in the backyard. You will find a lot of things in the yard/basement, that is not one of them.

Not 100% sure what “myself” is. Have been working on figuring that out. I know that I do have an issue with verbal hostility, which is probably something I developed over time. I know it has cost me quite a bit over the years and am working on figuring out how to permanently remove it and replace it with something better. Has gotten much better, but still a challenge when under stress.

I remember a teacher long ago mentioning that I was a very giving person. Over time, I have become decidedly less so. Learned the hard lesson that people will gladly take, but won’t give in return. On the job learned that being generous toward the opposition results in later problems, and that to be giving in the workplace just results in getting taken advantage of. Family has taught me that giving just results in getting screwed.

Anita is right that I need to get my house back to myself too. What was supposed to be temporary has turned out to be longer-term, been over a year and a half. Yet another example of getting lied to, this time by family. This is probably part of the reason I sometimes feel a disdain for people. In 2015, I spent probably close to $100,000 between paying the commission on the sale of the house in FL out of my share of the proceeds, helping with relocation and transportation, etc. Figured that it would help family members save money and figure out where they want to go. Turned out, I basically got screwed. It’s not the money so much, though I could certainly have used it, as it is the B.S.. I go to work and get lied to, I go home and get lied to.

You are right, I’m not looking for women who are trying to figure out where their next meal, etc. is coming from. Doesn’t seem that there are many of those women out here. Really thought I might actually have found a partner with the last woman, but not so much. Haven’t really met anyone since then who is viable. Met a really great woman, but she works for the media, so that’s a non-starter. Also, ran into a woman at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago over the lunch hour who lit up to see me, I know her, but she works for an agency who brings cases to us for review which could be awkward. It’s a rare instance when a woman walks over and wants to sit down and talk.

Now, I don’t really have the time. Preparing for a murder trial at the end of the month that is backstopped by a significant jury trial on a violent felony which is backstopped by an appellate appeal. Somewhere between now and then I’ve got at least one more trial scheduled for an armed drug dealer. The irony of the appeal is that it isn’t even in my normal sphere, I wound up being assigned it because the person who normally handles it was “too stressed.” Despite being “too stressed,” the person doesn’t spend that much time in the office, and just spent a weekend out-of-town with her partner.

As far as risks go, that boils down to choosing better, and getting over the whole “fix-it” complex. Women who at least look they should know better, pairing up with tatted up freak shows with criminal histories thick enough to make body armour out of (in a buyer’s market for women no less). What do these women really expect to happen? I see it in men out here too, where they get desperate to have a partner and try to tame a prostitute, then wonder why they wind up in the situations they do. I know that there are no guarantees, but yikes. I know it may not be a popular position, but if you are a man/woman and are determined to start a relationship with somebody who has a known history of domestic violence, you made the choice to be beaten/abused.

What doesn’t make sense is that we had interacted for about a year before. She had seen/heard me verbally torch people in the course of my job. I can’t figure out what made this one different from the others. Not saying that verbally torching folks is good, but can’t figure out why she would be nervous about that incident compared to others.

First lunch had together was great. That was where she wanted to spend a weekend with me out of the country. Did hit some rockiness when she later said that my schedule probably wouldn’t permit it.

To go from indicating an interest in spending a weekend away with me to treating me as if I was invisible still amazes me.

Maybe I am putting more blame on myself than I should. The last communication I had with her was a lot of her complaining about how she doesn’t like the people out here, the lack of things out here, the lack of easily accessible cultural events, etc. Basically, the area was too backward for her liking.

I have backed down on my verbal aggressiveness though. Not sure if it will do any good for anything or not. My reactions to stuff have been such for so long, I am not sure at this point that changes at this point will really matter.

Been in a good bit of personal conflict over whether my views on life are correct or not, or whether it matters either way.

There

I too expressed a disdain for people, that she seems to. Lived many years as a bitter person, ready to either lash out at people or just withdraw completely. I buried myself in diversions from dealing with people, much like she has with that house. To be honest, life sucked, and I would not wish that on anyone, having been through it.

She feels targeted by people at work, and doesn’t like being there, indicating that she basically has to play a pretend game of liking being there. She told me that she has not been able to find a job with the same pay/benefits.

She seems to walk around with a facial expression that is strained, not a smile and not really a frown, sort of between.

Yes, I do feel a tension between the part of me that cheers about bad things happening to people who hurt me, and the newly discovered side of me that was l only noticed with this relationship of thinking about the effects on her. This new side doesn’t seem to make sense. Usually, I just kind of smile to myself when somebody who screwed me gets smacked around by life.

I know it sounds strange, but you would seriously be amazed at the relationships I see out here. Have seen marriages at the courthouse between guys and women with serious issues. They aren’t flashy, see things like obvious meth-mouth, women who look like they have been rode hard and out away wet, women who when they talk sound like they drink a couple of litres of whiskey and smoke a half-dozen packs a day, women who are obvious prostitutes that the guy thinks he has changed, etc. Some times it looks like a backwoods hill-billy shotgun wedding. Around town you see similar.

Also, strangely enough, see the opposite despite this being a buyers market for women. For example: was at the local home improvement store a while back and observed the interaction of a couple. She was good looking, highly educated (have seen her at bar association meetings), and apparently had a good job (wearing shirt with the logo of one of the state’s bigger law firms). He was unshaven (admit that I don’t always shave on weekends), had scraggly hair, and generally looked to be a non-professional. He was constantly belittling her, she was looking at plants, and he was constantly telling her she was wrong, etc. Wound up scratching my head.

The woman I had been interested in has basically gone into social interaction shut down mode. Don’t hear her say hi to anyone anymore, or really interact with people much. We work in the same building in departments that interact.

I still wish that there was something I could do to make her better, but realized that there really isn’t. Seeing some of the things in her that I have displayed at times. As strange as it seems, I find myself saddened by that, because I know what it is like. Still have some conflicting emotions, which looking forward to potential future relationships, may need to be addressed.

There is a part of me that is, is in a way, satisfied that she is expriencing these things. Sort of a feeling of you thought manipulating people was fun, well, now that this had come home to roost, you are realizing just how lonely life can be. In short it is the karma is a ***** thing.

Pretty much come to the conclusion that the ones who are left fall into the categories of harpies, persons with serious mental/emotional issues, and other issues. Like I said, if there isn’t something seriously wrong, women don’t stay single long. Seriously wrong transcends such things as drug addictions, certain mental illnesses, infidelity, etc. I used the example of Grendel’s mother to demonstrate just how messed up somebody has to be to be passed up. Unless you find somebody immediately who is new to the area, odds are they will be bombarded by people.

You also find the folks who have been traumatized by past relationships and/or being hounded by guys. They are usually those women who are scared to leave the house, office, etc.

Of course, wasn’t too keen on the relationship thing in other places either. But, now that I am interested, things look a bit sparse. Keep thinking that there has to be someone out here for me, but not much promising so far.

Guessing that women also look for flashiness, etc. Stablity, reliability, etc. don’t seem to sell well.