Dear Sadyia,

I am sorry to hear your difficulties and thank you for sharing your story. I understanding your feelings as I have been in those hardship for a while now. It was very  shameful and heart broken for me too for not being strong enough to stop the heart falling in love with someone else while being married, even though the intention were not to break the family but to  love and experience the love and intimacy passionately. I know the affair will be never acceptable under any circumstance, but sometime it happened beyond our control and sometimes we thought we could manage to work it out for every one.

I am sorry I don’t have any better advises to give you, but please don’t be too hard on yourself (which I have been very hard on myself but I managed to make it lessen each day). I still try to find the best solution that works for everyone. I hope you will find support and insights from this forum.

I hope you will find strength and peace  to deal with this difficult time

Take care

Sincerely

Hi Maggie,

Yes I feel you! I had the same thoughts too, I put myself in his wife’s shoes too, I felt shame as well to cheat on my husband, I feel shame to be a mother of my kids, I suppose to be a good model for them. And we have been trying to stop many times, but at the moment, I am the one who is struggle to move on. I cannot get over him, I did not ask him to do anything for me,  not even taking away his time too often for me, all I need is he loves me the way I do ! Just by knowing that is enough ! I even accept if he can love me and his wife at the same time, I never want to ask him to leave his family for me, I try to help him as much as I can, you see, all of what I’m trying to do is just to have him commit that he loves me too. But He could not , he told me he could not love two women at the same time, he wants to grow old with his family. You know when I heard that, I was deeply hurt and felt rejected, felt like my heart was played by him. And I took it as a punishment for cheating my husband. But still cannot get over him yet. He was honest with me , he did the right thing to stop for his family. We still have work related and I still have to face him once in a while.

So, I just wanted to share little more detail with you , you might find something or realize something , I don’t know , that might helps you feel better, less hurting!

I know its harder for you because you are vulnerable and lonely and his marriage situation (not happy with his wife)  that makes you still want him. But I guess at the moment, you cannot control the situation,  but you can focus on yourself, your well-being, overcome yourself . Then give it time, I know its easy said than done, but that’s all I can share with you. Hope you will find peace and feel less heavy

Sincerely

Hi Maggie,

I am sorry to hear your story. I understand how hard it is when you are so much in love with someone you cannot have. My situation is a bit different from you but I can feel your pain of trying to move on while you are so much attached to that person. I am sorry too to the family, especially the kids. If you are not married and have no kid, please be brave and get out of this. you still have options waiting for you out there. His family was broken and he needs to try his hardest to fix it for the kids. If you can, be supportive to him when needed. But you need to be strong. Then if fate already decided for you and him to be together, it will happen. But now, let him fix his issue first. Best of luck and stay strong !

Maya

Hi Katylee,

I am very sorry to hear your story. I know the pain you carry is unbearable.  I know time will help cure and change things, and its hard to get through too. Don’t be hard on yourself. What we have done (had affair before ending marriage) was wrong, but we are human and we are weak at some point, and plus we loved too much and too deep that we could not realize what we did was wrong ( the heart blindfold the mind) We cannot change the past, but we can make the future differently. And I know its very hard to see the man you have falling turning back on you, but lets take it as a lesson, a mistake that we should never make again. If you have a choice , change your job and try to move on. Or if you are strong enough, face the reality and deal with it. Let the man have his space to absorb  the guilt, maybe time will help him get through too. If you love him truly, give him time. I know its easy said than done, but we have to accept the reality. And if the love from him for you is true too, then I hope you and him will make it work. But most important matter now is try to ease the pain, read other people story to feel that you are not alone, and learn from other people’s stories too. Feel free to reach out if you need some one to talk too

Take care !