Hi Mark,

He was wonderful when I met him.  Kind, considerate, intelligent.  Everything I thought I was looking for in a partner.  I fell in love with who I thought he was.  It wasn’t until around 6 months in that he started behaving differently and picking the little fights.  But even then he would still apologize afterwards and take accountability for his ‘bad behavior’ so I thought it was going to be ok would pass. He’d usually have a reason like someone in his family back home was in poor health and he was very stressed out over it because he couldn’t afford to fly home ect.  Obviously I know it’s not ok now. It keeps happening and it’s progressively getting worse.  You are right.  I should question why I’m still with him today.

Hi Anna,

From the little he has told me of his childhood this could possibly be true.  I mentioned he is from a different country/ cultural background.  What stands out to me about the little he’s shared of his past is his father would ‘beat’ him, his mother and his brothers if his father ever deemed it necessary and for their own good.  Yet he says he had a very happy childhood.  So it seems like my boyfriend believes these beatings his father would subject on him and his family to were completely normal and acceptable.  His father sounds like he was very controlling.  My boyfriend would mostly get beaten for things like skipping school dating girls (his family was very religious and that was forbidden) or showing any level of disrespect towards his father.

He would be absolutely furious if I suggested he get quality psychotherapy so not going to go there.

I talked to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I’m in a mentally abusive relationship that will only get worse.  COuld this be true? Am I with an abusive man and not even aware of it?