Try to find a way to remain on the high road while confronting the situation as calmly as possible. Right now, you are both building camps to save face or be right rather than being direct with one another. Being respectfully direct will get it out on the table and you can hopefully both move on feeling relief. An approach might be –

“Hey X, I notice you continue to bring up Y, so I think it is important we discuss this. What you are saying is untrue. What actually happened was Z (and only to the point you are comfortable sharing that.) When you share something about me that isn’t true that hurts me and hurts our relationship, which I value. Do you understand how I feel? Is there something you’d like to share that I need to understand? Can we agree to drop this and move on?”

Allow X to save face while you accomplish your goal (end of destructive gossip) and model the type of behavior you’d want someone to confront you with. Being an introvert, practice your approach and role play what the exchange might look like so you build confidence. Good luck!

Hi Mikki3 –

I love how what Anita said – ‘for a little girl, the mother is the most important person in the world’ ties in with what you said – ‘if it were my daughter coming to me with all of this, I would tell her …’

Perhaps you can be both that mother and that daughter and have a loving conversation with yourself. Perhaps the daughter could write a letter to the mother and the mother could respond. As I hope you have found here, putting things in writing can help you identify your true feelings. You may also want to print out what you wrote here and highlight what stands out to you. That may give you the clarity you seek.

Only you can make the right decision for yourself, but I’ll share what I have learned – Fear of abandonment can keep us from committing to relationships, but it can also keep us in the wrong ones for too long. Best wishes on your journey.