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GrenadaParticipant
Codependency
GrenadaParticipantThough may not be*
typo
GrenadaParticipantHi,
i appreciate how patient & compassionate you are with him. I know you like him a lot but his behavior (though not be intentionally disrespectful) are beginning to get disrespectful. You need open honesty, consistency & communication.
Its really important you develop some boundaries & communicate those for any & all of your relationships. You donāt want to stretch yourself out thin, and I can tell you already are crossing your own boundaries because youāre clearly bothered by this.
Lets develop some boundaries together. Using this site & other ppls advice.
What are 4 things you absolutely Need in order to feels safe & a sense of trust in your romantic relationships?
What are the deal breakers?
GrenadaParticipantLetting go rituals are so powerful. I did one with a balloon. Letting go some deep pains & losses.
Not to point out the codependency . But I think thatās definitely a good entrance point for you to start dissecting & finding support groups & therapy around.
Also learning about attachment styles & attachment trauma. Yours sounds anxious to me. Idk but another thing you might want to consider looking into .
Its going to take a minute to grieve this loss. And thatās normal, it would take a minute.
but though it may not seem obvious right now, working on those things I mentioned above would actually help soothe some of the pain. Knowledge tends to do that..
GrenadaParticipantTotally! Thatās why I like the label āTwin Flameā just because when you search it, you find so many people with very similar stories.
I also keep running into people with reallly similar stories to mine. Itās made me a little paranoid in the past but Ā Iāve learned with this stuff youāve just got to ride the wave, accept it , or itāll take you down lol. Iāve always had all types of spiritual experiences happen but for some reason this one has been the hardest to accept. I guess because itās mirrored back to me in a way its never been before.
ive lowkey wanted to keep in contact with those going through this for support but never know how to open that up or start it.
I totally get the frustration with not having communication & wanting them to be around consistently. If it is your twin flame they love you, they just canāt get their head out of their own sh*t right now in order to smell the roses. Itās hard not to take it personally. To the awakened TF you & I everything seems so simple . Ā But to them , they deal with it differently.
its never just one person running or being avoidant though. Itās almost always the case where the other is running too, like running away from responsibilities, self, deeper lessons. That was the case for me. And Iām working on that now. Iāve noticed since Iāve worked on it my TF seems to be coming to more realizations . Itās crazy not talking to them directly but seeing them on social media. I can kind of see how our individual energies balance eachother or react to eachother even when we donāt know what the other is doing consciously. Weāre so tuned in. Sometimes I wish theyād see this. Maybe they do. Maybe I need to stop assuming that because they donāt open up like I do, that they donāt notice things .
The idea of addiction came to my mind many times when it came to my TF. But idk to what. I think it was alcohol in past. But I donāt sense that now, like maybe they drink too much wine.. but idk Iām hoping itās not something else.
I also think they are trying to rationalize our connection too much . Like Blame there mental illness, or addiction or something . Like pathologize their attraction and connection to me.. instead of just acknowledging, we have natural chemistry …
Its all really frustrating. It feels like Iām watching a crappy romance movie. Where we can see how things could be if the characters followed their hearts but one never takes the chance. At first it did seem too good to be true. And I guess it is.. but part of me is tired of things going this way. Like ācan we get it together please!ā Like can we just do the thing. Just reach out, just talk… Iām tired of the same ol story where someoneās afraid to take a risk or afraid to follow their heart or… ive seen this over an over in other people & in my past . And itās not something I want to deal with anymore now that Iāve developed my confidence & self trust.
GrenadaParticipantHi Faber & Lena,
before I get to your questions . Iād like to say im a professional in the psychology field & overall a huge psychology nerd. So with any relationship itās important to look at the full picture before jumping to any conclusions. Our attachment styles, our upbringings , mindset/beliefs , mental health, trauma history etc .
Im also very spiritual , spirituality to me is just apart of life a truth. And so I look at those aspects as well. To get a full picture.
Given what I know about psychology when I first heard about Twin Flames I didnāt think it was a real thing. Then I met mine & had several unexplainable spiritual experiences. Researched it and found thousands of others with similar experiences. Still knowing itās just a label to provide context & nothing is set in stone , given my experiences & my own spiritual abilities – it makes sense & is quite logical when broken down.
Boundaries are always important but rarely do we talk about spiritual boundaries. We live in a world that divides science & spirituality . Itās either one or the other. But as society and society advances , we see science is making ānewā discoveries which are in alignment with spiritual truths that have been around for Ages.
Mentally/psychologically & physically we need to set proper boundaries with people. This allows us to connect & develop intimacy by letting others know what we can do.
But we are not only physical & mental. We are also spiritual . We are made of energy. Energy carries vibration. Life is about frequency. The things around us, the people we allow near us mostly carry a similar frequency. When our frequency changes our environment changes as well. This all allows us to connect. For example , empathy. The ability to feel what someone else feels. Why would we have this ability ? It lets us know we are communal beings.
This is a very choppy rough cut of my thoughts on this also typing on my phone & canāt see most of what I write lol.
so spiritual boundaries for example. Some people just have bad energy . Or energy that doesnāt resonate well with us. They may irritate us, make us weak, or even sick. Spiritual boundaries are needed in those cases.
With my Twin Flame, they donāt open up much. They have more than usual since connections with me, but they are still very closed off. And just at the beginning of their spiritual awakening & ascension. Me on the other hand, Iām HIGHLY empathic more than most, somewhat psychic , very communicative . I feel my Twin Flame on a very very deep level. And they are going through a lot and by not opening up & shoving it deeper & avoiding it, itās just not good. Guess who feels it all? Me. I feel a ton of it. It started with me waking up in the middle of the night at specific times with panic attacks (sleep is never an issue for me), then I started having intense anxiety and panic attacks, my heart chakra was burning, I would think about them right when they were making a note to me, I became very in tune but also sick because of how deeply I felt everything they suppressed. And I wanted to help so bad (my codependency) that I didnāt know how to turn away even when they werenāt trying to help themselves . It was torture. I felt like I was watching someone set themselves on fire & not let me put it out.
So I had to set spiritual boundaries for my well being and health. So I could sleep. Stop getting bombarded with intuition about them. Limit how much I felt their pain. And trust theyād figure it out. Boundaries look different for different people. You just get messages about what to do. Mine was as simple as letting go & not checking on their social media or reaching out. Not because I didnāt want to be with them. But because the ball is in their court and they have to properly reach out.
If I could have it all my way. Weād be together talking it out on a beach somewhere & resolving it all. If I could have my way, weād work it out romantically & be together.
But the ball is in their court & theyāre still running.
I have been just keeping to myself & working on discipline & my personal goals. Making friends & getting my mental health together . And thatās the best thing Iāve done for myself since then. I also know that me tugging on them was pushing them away anyway.
Im not waiting because itās painful. But I am distracting myself.
GrenadaParticipantThatās beautiful.
GrenadaParticipantI also get the ātired of people running awayā piece. Attachment styles also play a role in it. Ā Not always. Im a secure attachment and I ran at the very beginning, but I ran towards myself. My TF is very avoidant. I thought they were anxious but turns out they are fearful avoidant so a mixture of both.
Once I became more secure in my attachment style I began to attract others who are more secure . Itās a little boring at first. But itās a lot more peaceful in the long run.
I think thatās partially why Iām jaded. I knew I fell in love with my TF because we were at peace. But as soon as all our trauma started to mirror each-other and fears came up, and questions about identity/sexuality , lifestyle differences etc came up… it all kind of blew up in our faces. More so their face lol. I trust my life and my purpose, Iāve learned to listen and take steps forward regardless to not seeing the whole staircase. My TF sort of like me, I think gets caught up in the looks of things. Afraid of how others will perceive them. And not very trusting of life itself. Like if they took risks, theyāre afraid it will explode in their face. Type of thing . Me on the other hand , with my experiences and how spiritually loud this situation has been , Iām 90-100 % sure that if we came together things would take off in a positive direction, weād build together, be financially more abundant, be more sure of our purpose and balance eachother out in it. Because your gifts do activate with the connection .
But you can also do it all without them. Itās just hard at first until you fully face yourself.
I hope your TF works his stuff out. Or that you meet your soulmate.
GrenadaParticipantHe does sound avoidant. I decided to give our attachment style quizzes on the 2nd or 3rd date. Lmao … too much ?
GrenadaParticipantExcuse my typos… lol
Iām always here to talk it out though. Iām just a little jaded.
GrenadaParticipantThey are psychic gifts.
im a non traditional psychic and many people out there donāt have much accurate information on TF.
i donāt believe in false TF. You either have one or you donāt. Or itās still a sacred connection regardless if it activates your gifts or calling. Search up Twin Flame Revolution on YouTube. They are my mentors actually .. donāt tell anyone lol.. nah but we share similar gifts, they are actually on point. They have a video on āfalse twin flamesā I think they hit the nail on the head
I said the same thing. If I could wave a wand and make it go away I would. Thing is, our higher self chooses this. So we did choose it. I got a few choice words to share with my higher self as well lol. Itās a very unforgiving connection . It shows you you. And we get caught up in the magic and forget the lessons and our own power sometimes. Eventually it gets tiring and we have no choice but to start facing and listening to ourselves . And that cloud finally moves from over our heads. Will the signs still be there? Yes but they let up eventually unless you know, they are thinking about you, are near, or we are not being true to ourselves. Your TF regardless to where they are physically will always be connected to you. So boundaries are also important . Especially spiritual boundaries.
But yours doesnāt seem to be like at that annoying stage yet.
Just accept the signs and be open to the lessons. Stay structured in your purpose. Donāt get too caught up in it. Yes itās annoying. But consider it a blessing . You arenāt alone. God does exist. You so have a purpose. Life goes on.
GrenadaParticipantAlso very funny my name starts with a N my twin flame starts with a L.
the universe is bugging.. as usual
the universe triggers me more than my TF .. kidding
GrenadaParticipantWell Idk if you for the signs actually. But if it was your twin flame youād know.
twin flames rarely stay together romantically. They prepare people for their soulmates. A TF can turn into a soulmate. But we live in a day in time where less and less people are facing themselves. Many people run away from themselves.
Also TF usually enhance the others spiritual experience and calling. Since I met mine, Iāve been meeting other people who have met theirs. Or meeting others with very similar stories to mine or my Twin Flame- super similar and so I just guess thatās the purpose. To help those since Iāve healed through mine .
GrenadaParticipantHi yes ,
i met my twin flame and they are an a hole. Lol . Avoidantly attached, non communicative, canāt tell the truth to save their life. Stalks my social media but never reaches out. If it is your twin flame they sound like a runner . And so they are truly running from themselves and not you so donāt take it personally.
then Iāll give you what most people would say āthose are just labels donāt take it so seriously.ā
but you and I both know how those signs can get. They donāt let you rest until you acknowledge them so.
GrenadaParticipantHi Anita ,
thanks for your response. Thatās really brave of you to travel from London to the US like that. Iām glad that youāve had positive experiences in psychotherapy. Thank you for your story!
I started therapy myself back in college around my 2nd year, so 7 years ago and have been in therapy up until 2 months ago. I decided to try out a male therapist so will get one going in a month or so.
I generally have an interest in psychology and self development. I work in the field.
My recent break through, not really a miracle but something Iām proud of this week is that I earned my security. So there are four attachment styles. Secure, anxious, avoidant & disorganized. I have successfully over time moved from disorganized, to avoidant to anxious to now secure. After hard work , Im now have a secure attachment style. My job did a workshop and tested us. I even took a few other versions of the test to confirm. Itās a breakthrough for me because my past relationships have been really challenging and tumultuous. I was very codependent & because I couldnāt get my relationships right I was failing in other areas in my life. Now that Iāve earned a secure attachment style I am more balanced. I am better at communication & setting boundaries . Saying no when I need to. Patience & interdependence. Itās a huge victory considering I grew up without the presence of either of my parents. So Iām happy .
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