Clau,

I agree with what everyone has said in response to your story. What you are experiencing is challenging to say the least, and you are facing it with courage, wisdom, and clarity. Your english is also really very good. I am brad new to tiny buddha.

I want you to know you are not alone, and no I don’t want to make it about me either, but I hope hearing about how others have responded will help yo make sense of the unfortunate situation you have been placed in and find a way to respond for yourself.

I too had similar experiences with my family. I’m 27 now, but my struggles peaked about 23-24. My parents and sisters were living about 8 hours away from me, and I was trying to finish university. There were many times when I thought about trying to find a way to make enough money to support both my sisters and myself. If I could try and request they be removed from my parents and placed with me. Although I called Child Protective Services, I never took it further or felt confident that taking care of them by myself was the right action. I had a minimum wage job and was just barely able to take care of myself. If there had been a legal and possible way for me to finance taking care of all of us I wish I’d have done it. Truthfully I don’t think my sisters would have been willing to leave their school either. Could I have found a way if I really wanted to? Maybe- but, I may have had to work an illegal job to pay for it, and my sisters had become too accustomed to the drama and toxicity to want to leave.

I remember crying when someone on the phone from the women’s shelter told me that I wouldn’t be able to get my mother to leave the abusive situation. She would have to decide when she was ready, and there wouldn’t be anything I could do to convince her.
I realized I had very little control over how my parents acted, and the destruction they created. So, I decided to turn my focus towards what I could control, myself. I hoped that by trying to get my life in order I could be an inspiration to my sisters. I stopped talking to my parents, I found a way to finish school, and now I have a decent full time job. My sisters are now physically safe, but have been emotionally wounded. I rarely speak to my family because of how sad they make me, even though I don’t hate them.

I think you have realized that there are just some things you cannot control, and those things are not your fault. Ask your sister what she wants, you will need her help if you are to succeed in really removing both of you from the toxic environment. I know she is young, but with someone like you as a role model she has wisdom and strength as a guide. If she doesn’t want to go with you, I suggest you find a way out for your yourself, but do your best to try and be there for her. Even if you take a break from your studies, which is normal, I hope you can find a way to finish what you started for yourself.

Clau- I wish you courage, strength, wisdom, and energy. Never give up on yourself, or trying to become who you want to be.