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VivianParticipant
Hi Anita, thanks for responding!
Yes, I definitely believe that this is one for the long run, that is all I want. I totally understand looking for a long term solution vs short term. The thing is, I have no idea what sort of “revelation” I am meant to have to get closure and acceptance w myself, to finally move on and be happy with him. I am also scared that the anxiety will naturally drive me away, that it will get the best of me.
thanks 🙂
VivianParticipantThis thread has helped me in that I realize I am not alone. I really am enjoying Anita’s responses but everyone has been helpful. I am going through the same thing. I am 17, while I know this seems young, I am scared that the issues I am having will have an overspill later in life. This is something I wish to confront. After all, there is no point in breaking up with my boyfriend if it will just happen again. Basically, (I know it is super typical), but I have been hurt many times at a quite a young age (emotionally). My first boyfriend cheated on me and I also was in a friendship which was toxic for 7-8 years. I am not close to my parents but they are in no way abusive. Anyways, Since I never had a real relationship/friendship which was long lasting and healthy, I am feeling very anxious in my current relationship. Right when I thought all this stuff just was not working for me, I met my current boyfriend, I fell in love with him. We went slow and steady, we talk about EVERYTHING, there is zero judgement, he loves me for me and all my underlying issues from bad past experiences. He saved me. He is my everything, my best friend and the one I love. I felt madly in love with him and then about a month ago, in literally a split second, I thought “What if I don’t love him anymore”. It was so sudden. This reassures me, I think that if I truly was falling out of love w him, it would have been a gradual feeling, the love would have slowly faded. What also reassures me is that I have had this exact feeling in the same situation once before in a relationship, which ended for other reasons anyways. This is internal. I am finding that the second something gets comfortable, I get really anxious and think that I don’t love the person anymore. For days I cried and cried, barely ate or sleep. We are still together, and he is lovely. Whenever I get the feeling, I call him, and I feel better. I love him more than anything, he is truly the most wonderful, kind, funny, smart, helpful, caring, adorable human being I have ever met. So I am now finding that commitment seems to throw me off, I do not understand this. All I long for is a long, comfortable and stable relationship with him and only him. So why do I still have this feeling? It will not go away. I feel like the anxiety is pushing me to want to leave but I know I do not want that. He is perfect in my eyes and I want him in my life. I know I love him deep down. Maybe it is because of confinement, but I really do not think so. I sort of knew something was gonna happen on my part, everything was so perfect and when the honeymoon phase ended I freaked out. I am having a really hard time accepting this. I hope I will be able to work past this so I can be happy with him.
I hope this can help someone and I would really appreciate any advice 🙂
stay healthy
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