I feel as though there could be so many reasons causing this. I hate myself for having started this, I was so happy. I don’t want it to end but I can’t keep going like this. I feel that I have that I have thought about falling out of love so much that it is actually happening. As if thinking about it made me believe it. You could definitely be right about your statement. I am so scared that I won’t be able to be happy with him.

We have agreed to take some space from each other. I really don’t want to lose this. I am so scared. I think we may have made an error in the way we acted, we spent way too much time together, our entire daily routines felt almost based on the other, we did not have independent lives. Maybe it became too much. What I am wondering now is that, I love him, but am so scared of something this deep and intimate. A serious relationship is so much pressure. I am sensitive and a major over-thinker and I am scared I won’t be ale to handle it. At the same time, whenever I think about if he was gone I am almost in tears.  He is so special.

I would not say the anxiety is gone — at all. But I definitely have a better understanding.

About him being perfect, of course I know he is not perfect, because no one is at the end of the day. When I say he saved me, I mean that I was going through a tough time and he was one of the few positive things I had, that’s why I used the word “save”. I do understand that the beginning is infatuation. That’s what I was — infatuated. I guess I thought it would always be like that but the reality that I am now discovering is that love is not constant butterflies or infatuation, it is a deep connection one chooses to have with the other. I guess when the madness stopped, I got scared because I thought that (like what we see in movies, shows, hear in music) love is always passion and almost being crazy for someone all the time. So when what I thought was love (butterflies, infatuation) faded, I got very scared. Even though the infatuation has faded,  I still know he is an amazing person. I want to be with him even though my mind tries to stear me away from that every time something gets comfortable. I know I love him deep down, the anxiety is just blocking me from enjoying my relationship with him. Now, I need to get rid of the anxiety, to live something peaceful with him. The anxiety is still here, it was quite bad today but I called him and felt better. I do not want to let my fears or automatic thinking patterns take away something so special.

I have been doing the CBT and it has helped, but I still feel the anxiety. I am very scared. Because it is always so present I can’t even enjoy the relationship and I am scared that during the time I try to work through this I will fall out of love anyways. I want this to work so badly but there is still something blocking me. Do you think this could have anything to do with confinement? DO you think taking a break would be beneficial?

Maybe that is normal, the anxiety needs time to leave?

A fear that I do not feel love anymore (the way that I used to), I still do have some moments, that last just a few seconds where I realize I am so grateful to have him and that I love him. Therefore, I guess I am scared that I will never be comforted by those butterflies that I used to feel all the time, they reminded me that I love him. Now they are gone for the most part, which then leads me to think that I do not love him (which I really do not believe to be true). I am scared of not loving him and of losing him.