Hi Nina,
You are welcome. Nice to know you liked the audios in the link. Looks like you went through most of them in quick time 🙂

I have posted a one-on-one comment on your profile. Please check.

Regards,
VJ

Dear Niki,

To let you know, I am from India too and I can understand your situation.
What has happened with you is really unfortunate and I am totally with you.

“I just feel it was my mistake that I spoke up about my job and work”
This was bound to happen some time or the other, so it is not at all your mistake about speaking up.
You are a complete human being and you too have your work preferences, desires, wishes, career aspirations.
I am a male and I will tell you that you did the right thing. I will tell the same to my wife, daughter or sister.

“I should have just accepted their demands and married him.”
Absolutely not. Why should you be doing that? You should not be losing your individuality for something like this.
It is said that – “Never marry the person you love, marry the person who loves you”.
So if a person didn’t love and accept you at the right time, then is there a point in getting married to such a person?

“Atleast I’d ‘ve been together with him”
This is not called togetherness. In order for a bullock cart to be pulled properly, both the bullocks need to be in the same direction. If he doesn’t love you and it is simply you who do so then how is that going to pull the cart of your married life together?

“I will never get someone like him who understands me, loves me so passionately, intensely that I forget I’m in this world.”
Is this really true? Is he the only person in the entire universe who is (supposedly) so understanding and loving.

“I doubt if Love is ever meant for me.. Maybe I’ll just be alone forever, no one will love me.”
Can one relationship that did not work out as expected be the reason for you to not find love again. Not at all true.

“he is my one true love..I cannot imagine loving or marrying someone else”
Do you really think he is still your true love after what has happened?
Yes the time in the past between both of you may bring up certain attached emotions, but consider yourself lucky that this incident has now opened your eyes and you came to know about this before the marriage.
Just imagine how disturbed your life would have been if this behaviour from him would have come out after marriage, or even worse after bearing a child.

Allow it to take some time to get over this.
Cry out on what has happened. Simply cry out. Cry very hard till you accept. Then move on.
Believe me you DO have a life waiting for you. Start getting back on track of your life. Start focusing on your job, get out, start doing things that you enjoy, love yourself and your immediate family more and more.
Gradually things will start getting to be in place and soon you will realize that this was just a learning and a passing phase of your life.

Take care,
VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.

Hi Daniel,

Yes please practice being in and enjoying the present moment as best you can and by giving up all expectations and end results.

I do have something to suggest to you on your upcoming gathering but can you elaborate what are you dreading about it?

Regards,
VJ

Dear Daniel,

“maybe my suffering will end when I jump down but nowadays i will shake out that mindset more easily than before, because I do not want my wife to be hurt”
Be noted that your suffering is NOT going to end by doing something like this (giving away your life). Your soul will take another body and the same patterns that you are going through now will be repeated again and you will encounter the same issue in the upcoming lifetime(s), until you are fully “healed” of your issues either by facing/going through the situation (painful) or by overcoming the situation by practicing any of the ‘life healing methodologies’ (not painful). More about these life healing techniques below.

“But, how to do so when I have subconsciously and consciously closed myself up and have zero confidence to do anything now?”
Good that you brought up this question of yours which allowed me to understand that you are already aware of having a “closure” at the (subconscious/conscious) mind level.
It seems to me that no amount of willpower to do anything is working for you? Is this correct? In fact you are not even getting that ‘will’ to do anything.

If so, that (willpower) won’t work because of internal resistance (typically subconscious) which we won’t even know. This resistance causes a constant state of internal (unconscious) stress, as soon as we think of doing something. (As a quick example lots of people feel like exercising to lose weight but cannot after some time)
It could be from childhood memories or even generational ones brought down to you long before. These unconscious/subconscious memories are stored at the cell level and requires “healing” so that once done you do things in an effortless way (without exerting any conscious/deliberate willpower).
Of course if you know of any process that does exactly this then please follow that. But from what I know this can be done through the Love Code (formerly called as Beyond Willpower).

– At first go through the below link. If you do not have the motivation to read this then do this for one last time.
(http://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/cellular-memory-healing-clearing/)

– Go through the FREE video series on this page
(http://www.dralexanderloyd.com/the-love-code/)

– If it interests you then you can get to understand more about the concept and/or the tools/exercises through the book at the below link
(https://www.amazon.com/Love-Code-Principle-Achieving-Happiness/dp/1101902833)
The book also has a separate chapter which takes the reader through a step-by-step practical 40 day program of practicing the Love Code.

The Love Code would bring you long term healing. Until you start practicing it, a short term process would be for you to “live in day-tight compartments” (something similar to what your beloved wife tells you to do by taking small steps). Take one day at a time. Make plans for the upcoming days/months. But only do what is required to do for that particular day. If “a day” is too overwhelming for you then consider just the next 1 hour. Look at your watch. If it is 9 am then say – “Ok. From 9 am to 10 am I am going to think and do only that is required during this 1 hour. If thoughts about getting overwhelmed and NOT wanting to do things come, then say to yourself – “Anyways, I only need to do this till the next hour, so never mind, let me continue doing what I was doing.” Then look at your watch and do the same again between 10 am to 11 am. If you prefer, reduce it even to the next 30 minutes. Just make an intention to live fully in the present moment for the next 30 minutes of your life as best as you can, by acting upon things required to be done only for those 30 minutes. You mentioned “When I’m at work, I try to think about what I wish my life to be” -So just “BE” in those 30 minutes and do not go into your past or your future. While doing work, wishing about life is going into the future. Even if you go, bring your attention back to those 30 minutes. To make your life even more peaceful and harmonious, you can go even further by reducing the 30 minutes to just thinking and taking action only for the present moment- The Now.

——-
Use the below excerpt from Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”
“For example, if you were stuck in the mud somewhere, you wouldn’t say. “Okay, I resign myself to being stuck in the mud.” Resignation is not surrender. You don’t need to accept an undesirable or unpleasant life situation. Nor do you need to deceive yourself and say that there is nothing wrong with being stuck in the mud. No. You recognize fully that you want to get out of it. You then narrow your attention down to the present moment without mentally labeling it in any way. This means that there is no judgment of the Now. Therefore, there is no resistance, no emotional negativity. You accept the “isness” of this moment. Then you take action and do all that you can to get out of the mud. Such action I call positive action. It is far more effective than negative action, which arises out of anger, despair, or frustration. Until you achieve the desired result, you continue to practice surrender by refraining from labeling the Now.”

“Let me give you a visual analogy to illustrate the point I am making. You are walking along a path at night, surrounded by a thick fog. But you have a powerful flashlight that cuts through the fog and creates a narrow, clear space in front of you. The fog is your life situation, which includes past and future; the flashlight is your conscious presence; the clear space is the Now.”
——-
So your job is to just think/act/be in that clear space (of the above example). That’s it.

If your friend calls you to meet or if you feel like going to your favorite game of weekly soccer but do not have the motivation to do so, then just take one moment at a time. Say to yourself “I will just enjoy one moment at a time. I do not need to worry about the whole end result”. Stop seeing things as a means to an end. Just focus on reaching to your car keys, then enjoy the drive to the place where you see the soccer, then just focus on saying hello to someone at that place, then bring your attention back to watching the match, enjoy your drive back to home. One thing at a time, giving up all expectations and end results. Use the same thing in your job situation and watch things changing for the good.

Keep practicing these concepts and of course the Love Code and do share your progress in life.

Best wishes,
VJ

Hi Isra,

It doesn’t appear to be anything other than restlessness you are facing and it can be calmed down by doing some relaxing techniques.
Along side with what lovetomotivate has suggested I also want you to take a look at several relaxation and meditation techniques posted here, by the people and for the people, and pick the ones that you feel comfortable with.

(http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/relaxation-meditation-techniques/)

Hi lovetomotivate, if you prefer you could also share your above tips and techniques at the same link beneficial to someone or the other on one single page.

Warm regards,
VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.

Hi Russ,

I have gone through the entire thread and although much has already been very well suggested to you, I thought of replying to you too.

I liked Nina’s suggestion and think that it may work well for you.
“perhaps you can go volunteer someplace – a solid 2 hours a week, no worries about socializing, appearing a certain way – simply going there to do a service and see a world outside of your own perception.”

When you are of service to others (without any expectations), you forget your own worries.

I have read all of your posts and fully agree with sadgirl – that you sound like a kind soul.

At the very beginning when you started this thread you said-
“Did not anticipate anyone would reply!”
and look now you are on the Page 3 of this thread with wonderful responses from people communicating with you.

You did not think you would get in touch with so many people in this way.
So notice the difference – Is the situation really causing the problem? OR is it the thoughts about the situation causing the problem?

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, and not against it…This will miraculously transform your whole life” ~Eckhart Tolle

Take one moment of your life at a time. Do not think anything about the past or the future – will I have friends (future), what did the person at the church think of me (past).
Simply bring intense focus on whatever you are doing at “that” moment..on that one tiny segment of your life.

Simply say “hello” or respond to that person at the church and move on.
That moment is gone. So the next moment is you have started walking down the church. Another person passes you by. Do whatever action is required for that moment for eg; saying “hello” again. Then you would continue walking. So bring your attention back to your feet. Watch your steps as you are walking, as that is what you are doing at that time.
Walk as if your feet is kissing the ground.

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh (Zen master)

Just to give you another example-
“When we drink a glass of water, and if we know that we are drinking a glass of water, if we’re concentrated on the fact that we are drinking water, mindfulness is already there. And the water drinking becomes deeper, truer, and real.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

You need to start watching/paying attention to your hand from the moment your hand reaches the glass of water, to holding the glass, to bringing it back close your mouth, to taking the sip, observing the water flowing through your throat. Just like the slow motion action replay on any sports channel. You will find out that while doing all of this, there was no mind activity about any other external situation because your full attention was on the drinking of water. I hope you get the point.

This will take your mind off of any activity going on in the head, and will make your life blissful, and you may well reach a stage where whether or not having any friends in your life doesn’t matter you anymore….You can then feel peaceful with yourself and give your time to your three beautiful children.

Remember, No judgement or criticism about any person (including yourself) or situation, or event. Give your fullest attention to whatever the moment presents. That will bring you to absolute stillness. You don’t even need to forcefully love yourself or others if you follow this. It will happen by itself.

This is practiced more by using a technique called as Mindfullness (there are lots of articles on the web to explore about this).

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: On purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

Take care buddy,
VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.

Hi dogoodatlife,

Whatever you add to your channel, focus more on the “how” part.
For example1, instead of simply saying “quiet your mind” focus on “how” to quieten the mind, what to do in order to quieten the mind – for example meditation – then if you want to add more information convey about different types of meditation.

Example2: Instead of saying “Be positive” – focus more on all possible solutions on “how” to stay positive in the difficult times. There are several people out there who simply can’t think positive (“I am going to be rich” doesn’t resonate with many people).

3. Instead of saying “just let it go” – Show them “how” to let it go. What can people practically do to really let it go.
4. Instead of saying don’t worry – Show them “how” to stop worrying and start living.

Along with the above, focus on the 3 major factors of life which people are always looking to improve upon – Health, Wealth & Relationships. (Health includes physical as well as mental)

Every single soul on this earth wants more of peace, joy, happiness, abundance, bliss and of course Love. So focus more on anything that will ultimately allow people to reach these inner states.
Any information/technique that gets rid of negative emotions (like pain, sorrow, resentment, hatred, shame, guilt, fear, anger, grief..) will automatically lead them to these beautiful inner states of mind (stated above).

Give people back to themselves.

Take care,
VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.