Thank you all for the kind words. My mom has now been moved to hospice. even though that would relieve some of the pressures. My mom is very stubborn and used to doing things herself. Now she expects me to do them. Being 8 months pregnant running 1.5 hrs a day driving plus contractions has been very exhausting to my body. I have told her I cannot help with showers or laundry. That is the reason she is there. Is to receive help.

The issue with my panic attacks is that they seem to be hormonal. I don’t start to panic about a situation in my head. I just have that flight or fight response which is difficult. The moment I feel it coming on I sit and try to calm myself. I have had anxiety for years and have been able to control it for the most part. It just seems that with pregnancy the hormonal aspect has me lost.

I am trying to honor my own body for myself and my child. I watched a video the other day by Thich naht Hahn, in regards to ‘how not to suffer when the world is suffering?’ The simplest answer was to have peace in one’s self and to be the best you can be. That is how you care for others.

While I completely agree I am balancing a fine line between being able to help myself by saying no sometimes and hurting my mom who is in such a rough place.

I mentioned asking my mother in law to help with laundry and she said no. She wanted her sister to. Which is an issue because her sister has been nothing but hurtful for years. I want to let her help but I worry about the damage that will be done when she decides she doesn’t want yo help anymore.