Well first things first, it has nothing to do with age, because being that I am in my mid twenties, I too have made the same repetitive mistakes with 1 individual, my ex! I think naturally no matter what the signs are telling us, women, whether subconsciously or not, feel that being that ONE girl to change a man, make him more loving, make him aware of our needs, make him change his mind about love in general, is the biggest compliment to us. Maybe deep down you love this outcome, especially because others have not worked out, and from the beginning you will give your all hoping that they will see this genuine love and affection, care and praise, and reciprocate it. I read a GREAT quote the other day “ignoring the signs is a sure way to get you to the wrong destination”. Maybe the signs were present but you only had 1 vision in mind, yours, which is OKAY! The right man will have a similar one, these other guys didn’t. At 40 years old, a man does not need to run away from an uncomfortable situation, that is ridiculous. Trust me, if he wanted the relationship that bad, no matter how irritated, he wouldn’t just leave, that’s the easy route. It sounds like you will fight for what you want, that’s a great trait, the only problem is that when every sign is pointing to the freeway, you still want to take the long way.

I came to a conclusion about myself in regards to my ex. We broke up numerous times and after many of the breakups I knew I should have NEVER let him back in, but I did because although my mind was so aware of the mess, my heart tricked me into thinking he would change and our relationship would change as well. It’s so cheesy but it is so true, you cannot change someone. It’s a hard, hard thing to accept. They have to want it. You could literally break your soul trying to change someone ( I did ) but if they are set in their ways, that’s how they will stay until THEY make a choice. Sure, we can inspire it, but not change it.

I just know exactly what you are going through, the confusion, the feelings of feeling weak, the doubts, and ultimately you just need to work on fulfilling yourself. I found that the reason I even felt a want for this individual is because it was familiar and comfortable. 2, 3, 4, 5 or more years with someone becomes a habit. They become part of the routine, even if that routine is not necessarily positive. It’s hard to separate the two, but try to identify if it’s THEM you truly feel you want and need, or is it just the IDEA of the relationship. Once I was able to separate the two I realized that my ex truly never gave me much. He sucked at showing me love, he never planned anything for us, he was aggressive when mad ( big no no ), he was just blah! I THOUGHT I was so attached to HIM when in actuality I was just in love with the IDEA of love and him. “It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on”

You have to envision the world as you did before these mishaps. When we first broke up, I didn’t see the world as my own. I saw it as this place that had reminders, whether it was people or places. It gave me an energy that was hard to shake off because I felt like even in my days driving to work or something there was an unfamiliarity with the world. I felt uptight, I felt like I was surrounded by “us”, the memories. And then literally a few days later I said F this! This is ridiculous! This is MY LIFE, NOT HIS, NOT OURS, MINE MINE MINE! I kind of kicked my own butt on that one. And then I just stopped with the nonsense. I refused to let an individual that is literally not apart of anything I do, affect me. After that I began to do little things that made me happy. Whether it was getting a coffee before work or renting a movie. Start somewhere! Never feel like you need a guy to fulfill certain aspects of your life. Sure, love is what makes the world go round, but let the next man prove himself to you. You obviously have made a great life for yourself, don’t let losers disease it!

Much love!
VK