I’m sure most of the time….. i hope i’m not crazy, but you know when you have ABSOLUTE certainty that is over? Like, nothing is this world could change that. I’m a very pessimist guy, always have been my entire life, so i want to move on, even because i keep rewiding the pain i felt with my other break ups. And then, all of a sudden, i feel hope (because of little signs) but also stupid, like someone said “you won’t get another chance, fool!”.

She was fine with my point of view….the problem really was me, i wanted to be right in her and everyone’s eyes. That pushed many people away. buit then i saw, that even tough i might be right, the best way to ask people to join me is trough compassion and tenderness, not hostility (silent hostilit in my case), like i used to do. So i changed i that aspect, even when she said i would never change.

You are right in every line about hers and mine behavior. She felt like i didn’t admire her…. and i showed her that i did in these two months post break up, but i feel that she thinks deep down i don’t. And she is certain that everytime a couple gets back together, it’s beautiful in the beggining, but it would end again.

i tried to stay away from those situations, like you said, but i pushed her away. She felt i didn’t trust her. We wanted to stay together forever, it was the first time in my life i ever felt that way, even when i was madly in love with the other two serious girlfriends i had. I said all those things to her when we broke up, but in the heat of the moment it would do no good, and she said i could never change…..so the next oportunities i had, i never mentioned to get back, i only pointed out how it was clear how we both wanted eachother badly, to wich she replied “i don’t know what i want….”. Did i mentioned her father is completly against us?

I truly accept that the old relationship is DEAD, and nothing will make it live again. I wouldn’t want that relationship either. I tried all you said and i’ll try it again….there is nothing else to do. I feel stupid talking about this, and i’m so sorry to bother you guys with this nonsense. I’m getting better, even with the love intact. But i feel these waves of guilt, and loliness….my job is crap now, my family members are dying, my dad appears sick… and this is one of the many situations i think about her, because we used to do this together, when she went trough the same thing. We were UNITED and stronger when those things happened to her.

Again, i’m sorry. I know it must be stupid and i’m probably overreacting.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Tyler Sant.

Silentwatch, Anne and Vhanon, thank you for your words, for having the patience to answer me.
I have red hundreds of articles and posts about this and i’ve been through this before. Like i said, i know more love from other women will come, and when we think someone is the one, we find another person that gives as much more….i know these things…they used to confort me in other situations.
I truly bellieve it’s over, i really do. That’s why i said i WANTED her, because i have to kill these urges to be with her again, the kisses, the laughters, the movies, the naps, the sex…. i can’t desire these things anymore. I’m actually doing better than before, but sometimes i feel like i’m gonna die. It’s not all about her, everything else is falling apart. I’m alive and i know it will get better, but….
We talked a few times after the break up. She has her defenses up and bellieves i’m gonna hurt her again. I didn’t demand anything of her, but she felt like i did. We had differente point of views about life and i thought to be right. I treated her like crap on two ocasions, and that brought up a lot of insecurities that she felt with me, because i always had problems to express my feelings. Most of it, was my fault. But i swear i didn’t know i was making her sad in the last months, i did the best i could to show i loved her. Once i understood her pain, i changed. But for myself, to improve my life, my job and all my relationships. She is not the center of my life, no one can be. But in our relationship, there was always respect, tenderness and love…. we NEVER demanded anything from each other…
I don’t want to overanalyze all actions between us. She said a few times to still love me. “I miss everething about us, and i still love you, but we can’t go back. I don’t know what i want.” She is also very jeoulos, even after the break up. It stopped for the last two weeks, wich is bad. She treats me very hot and cold….. contacts me to talk about normal things, and stuff. I don’t want to be her pitty target, if that’s what she is doing, being my friend outta pitty.
Maybe i should be looking at my own actions. Never acted needy or clingy around her after the break up, but she did a little, couple of weeks ago. I didn’t pushed her boudries, not even once, never asked to get back together, because logic doesn’t overcome emotions. I’m always happy around her and said i’m cool with the break up, because i think that saying how i really am would just push her away. I don’t know whatelse to say….. i feel like i have lost her forever. Don’t know what i should have done. Sometimes i just think she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore, i don’t know.
Of course there are a lot of details in this story, if you guys want to know. Right now, what i wanted is to kiss her, just a kiss. I know it’s wrong, but it is how i feel.
Does anything make sense?

M
This is probably the worst i have been since this topic started. I’m crying again… nothing that i do is helping me, i can’t be happy. I need new solutions, new things to read, or just a hug from someone…..because i feel like dying. i know it all goes away eventually, i’ve been there 7 times already, but this time……
Since it endend, i focused on putting myself in her shoes. I did, and that’s why it hurts so much. But i changed for myself, and i can see that in every relationship i have: with my friends, my co workers, my parents….i’m much more respectful and caring for everyone, it’s a change from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t change to show her what i could be, i did it to improve my life. I know i’ll see the benefits, but……I LOVE HER SO VERY MUCH. I’m crying as i write this, can’t take this anymore. I don’t know how to let her go.
She is like crap too, as she told her friends. She clearly has feelings for me, as she said. She misses me. She saw that i really changed. So why am i crying all the time since the last time we saw each other? I don’t know if i can be friends with her…. i’m afraid i won’t recover, this is being a terrible day for me, i phisiclly feel the pain in my heart, in my head, my body…..help me, someone, so i can help myself, PLEASE. I’m sorry if this is stupid, or ridiculous, or imature…..

But the pain is comingo back….i have never been in this kind of situation before, with this everlasting sensation of mourning, loss…..why would she want to be friends with me, giving that she just admited to like me? Something different has to happen with me, it’s just not working to focus on work, friends, parties, myself and everything else, this is dragging me down, as much as i hate to admit it!

Well Pooch, i think i wouldn’t create any expectations if she didn’t said those things, that she liked me and bla bla. She was the one who asked to speak to me today too and said she would call so we could go out today. I think that was unfair to my feelings! I’m so hurt now, in this moment, Pooch…..she could have called and said “sorry, we won’t go out today because of this and this”. Would be much better than this indiference.

Thanks again guys. She said she would call, but i’m not couting on it. Every time i expect something of life, i get upset. I would never make a move on her now, dispite all the desires i have. If we talk today, i’ll let you guys know, because this story needs some closure, i’m getting way too anxious. But i’ll try to have that emotional control so she can see i’m the partner to count on, when her emotions are out of control.

help me out guys, i’m in a situation that i’ve never been before…