sandy hello,

I was just writing about this thing in my blog 2 minutes ago. I broke up with my biggest love ( the last relationship is always the biggest one I suppose 🙂 ) a month ago.
We were together for 3 years and lived together. So after the break up I had to move in to my own place for the first time in my life, before I was always with my family or x boyfriends’ houses..I know that is unhealthy because I’m 31, but this is Turkey, traditions, economy bla bla bla and believe me I blamed myself more than enough for this.whatever

so the hardest part was before going to sleep every night. through the day, you write,read,talk,cry,cry,cry, receive love and compassion from people,even maybe hugs..but right before sleep, alone for the first time in my life, alone in a house,in a double love bed:)

and as a bonus I found out that he already started seeıng a girl and for over a week I was literally living with this couple in my head
and every night and morning thought they were sleeping together and I am alone and started crying..for me cuddling and sleeping is the best part of having someone:)

I don’t know ıf you believe in God but if you do, here is a solution.
ı was literally begging for God to send me some love,compassion and protection. ı was begging so much and prayed so much and it really helped.i felt it.
ı know it sounds crazy but believe me it helps.
if you dont believe in any kind of God, believe in yourself.because according to my belief God lives in us and there was this wonderful sentence i heard from Quran Allah saying ” I’m at the broken heart of my loved ones”

remember how your heart physically hurts? and thinking noone will ever understand you, that you have lost the biggest love fountain of your life and even you are torturing your own self saying “you can’t even deal with a necessary break up, how will you face the deaths of the loved ones you silly love addicted kid!”

the very place that hurts is the place you can count on whenever you feel lonely..believe me..try to do some yoga,some meditation, look at yourself in the mirror, sometimes ı was holding my own face with my hands to love myself more..ı was writing in my journal talking to myself..

try to connect to your heart, where there is so much love enough for all the universe..try to connect with other people.ı was walking down the street looking at people and try to make an eye contact, believe me, even an eye contact would help. or try to make small talks. yesterday a gipsy homeless woman came to me, touched me and said you are sad girl you are sad and i started crying:) so I gave her some money and she prayed for me..ıt was like a lousy video clip and i couldn’t believe how helpless I am, but it helped.

keep on praying for love, compassion and angels.believe me it helps.my man did not came back but a gipsy woman, some old friends, a book or a music from ipod came..and they helped..send and receive.

there is nothing stronger than a broken heart, bacause it is fully open.

well that’s it.i talk too much.
love and million hugs

ps: in the movie fight club there was this scene, where tyler durden going to these meetings for support groups of heavily ill people..and there was this guy with a cancer, hugging tyler and after years he started crying for the first time..we are all the same..