Thank you very much!

Question…how does one go about guarding your heart in such a situation? I have this guarded optimism that I’m trying to hold in check. We’ve both confessed our love for each other and the fact that we see each other as soul mates. So it is really hard for me to keep both the optimism and the anxiety down. I vacillate between the two and it’s hard to get to that middle ground.

Just wanted to follow up to say that my ex is back in my life, albeit currently as friends. She needs more time and space to continue healing her mental heath (we’ve both come a long way in the 8 months apart). We are going to be friends until the spring and then assess if we want more than that. Either way, I’m very happy she is back. She referred to me as her soul mate this week and we both still love each other. I’m a little anxious about the future but I’m just very glad she is back in my life. I need to find more ways to manage the anxiety.

I just wish I knew what she was thinking. I know she needed space and it took me too long to give it to her. If she found someone else or never wants to talk to me again, I wish I knew that. I guess in time I’ll find out if that is the case. But living with uncertainty if I’ll ever hear from her again is difficult.

It’s hard to say. She definitely has kept in touch with a few exes. She is a kind and empathetic person. And she was telling people, even after all of my begging and pleading, that she only had good things to say about me. So I don’t think her opinion of me was irreparably damaged. We also both told each other how our relationship was the most special and healthy we’d been in. Obviously that changed in the end but I know I was a good partner to her up until the breakup.

I think, at some point, she might be able to move past my post breakup actions. I was never angry or mean, never called her a name or put any blame on her. I never went to her house or anything like that. I’m not saying what I did was right but she realizes that I also had a lot of early life trauma (death of a parent) and that my terrible marriage and anxiety/depression likely informed my lack of emotional self control. I’m not excusing what I did, at all. But I think she will eventually realize I’m the same kind and gentle soul she dated.

but I know I hurt her and at some level, scared her. I honestly scared myself given it seemed I had no ability to control myself for those 2-3 days. It taught me a lot about myself though.

Thank you. Life is improving. I just can’t imagine I’ll never hear from her again given we both said how special and strong our love was. I know love love can fade but I think that  had to leave a strong imprint on her as well. And she was telling family and friends after the breakup that she only had good things to say about me.

I think I’m going to go with the thought that I’ll hear from her again someday, even if that’s 5 hears. With that taken care of, maybe it will allow me to move on to taking better care of myself.

Thank you. It’s so hard to let go of hope. I’m not there yet but I’m getting there. Every day I think about it less and less. At some level that’s great and at another level scary as those fading memories (and my fading hope) are all I have left of her.

I know. I wish I can been more aware of this at the time. Perhaps she felt as if I was dismissing her and not hearing her. I didn’t mean it in that way. There are a lot of things I’d like to be able to go back and do differently. But I know I can’t and I need to forgive myself.

I’ll add that I’m trying really hard to let go of the hope that our story has another chapter one day. I don’t think that hope is helping me at all. I’m just really struggling to get rid of it completely.