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TriangleSun

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  • August 9, 2015 at 8:25 pm in reply to: Two abusers in relationship #81514
    TriangleSun
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    Being friends with someone you were romantically involved with is almost next to impossible. I’ve had instances when a breakup was on good terms but if i were dumped and gotten into a friend-zone with my ex, it would just torture me mentally and would end up on bad terms eventually. The best thing you can do is let go and never look back. And don’t feel guilty for trying new things. That’s nonsense. You’re in an adult relationship and keeping sex alive and trying new things should always be part of your relationship.

    August 9, 2015 at 5:48 pm in reply to: I need help in clearing my mind , confused about my feelings about my ex .!!!!! #81510
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    Here is the guy’s perspective.

    Anita pretty much nailed it. You both need love. However, to get there you both need someone who can show you how to love and be loved. How to be compassionate, trustworthy and supportive. It seems like both of you lack the “know-how” to make the relationship work. And I think part of the reason you do is because you’re always trying to find love in people who are too much like you.

    Having a lot in common like hobbies and interests is a great thing. But having similar personalities in a relationship is just… I don’t know… Why would you want that? I know it feels great initially because you just click. But, ask yourself. What would you learn from each other? What’s the beauty in sameness? You both struggle with the same things and moving forward is just going to be inexplicably difficult. You can’t learn anything from each other because there is nothing to learn. You can’t move forward because every step seems like a never-ending argument. You can’t help each other because you can’t help yourself.

    What I’m saying is, as hard as it may be to realize, this guy isn’t for you and you’re not for him. And neither one of you should feel bad about what had transpired. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that you need someone to “show you the light” and these people are still in the future for both of you.

    So my advice is this… embrace the differences between yourself and other men you meet in the future instead of ignoring them or treating them as a negative. Learn to share your feelings with others in your life. Communication is like freakin’ air in relationships and friendships. Practice being a little bit more open with people close to you. I’m not even talking about men in your life but close friends. The more your practice the easier it will be to communicate in your next relationship. Also, being independent and strong is great. But you’re a woman for god’s sake! Show your soft side and don’t hide it behind 4 layers of armor. Being confident doesn’t mean not caring about anybody else but yourself. I love when women radiate love and positivity along with strong sense of confidence and self-awareness. It’s incredibly sexy! So don’t hide!

    Oh and you’ll be just fine! Trust me! Don’t feel guilty about any of this. Life is a learning process. The more mistakes you make the more you learn 🙂

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by TriangleSun.
    August 5, 2015 at 10:54 pm in reply to: Why do people have to play mind games #81314
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    First of all, you have to realize that there are like 20 guys per 1 good looking female on these online dating sites. My ex, who was a very beautiful woman, has told me once that she’d get close to 20 emails a day from men on Match, most of which had no idea how to approach a woman even via email message. Regardless, that’s a lot of options and men are basically getting, well, played. Women use this to their benefit. A lot of women are on online dating sites for attention more so than a relationship.

    Secondly, online dating is a joke. It’s naturally superficial and approaches relationships from a bad angle. The fact that you keep running into women who are egotistical and self-centered, like the one you mentioned in your previous post, should be enough of an indication to run the hell away from it. I’m sure it has worked out for some, but for the majority have similar experience to what you’re describing. My online dating experience started and concluded with a woman who sounded great until the date night when she started telling me how all of her friends are married and she has nobody to smock pot with. I immediately closed my account and never went back to that hell hole lol. A lot of people dating online are there for a reason.

    I personally think that dating online is like forcing yourself to eat something you don’t like. You can’t force a relationship to happen. Stop worrying about it. Focus on yourself. Do something you like doing with your friends and your kids. I’ve always found that love comes at the most unexpected times and rarely does when you’re actively looking for it.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by TriangleSun.
    July 11, 2015 at 11:41 pm in reply to: Words are not enough!! #79665
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    I agree with Anita. Being with someone is great, but what’s more important is finding peace and happiness within yourself instead of looking for it in someone else. I can tell you right now that while it will bring your sex life back, it won’t bring happiness in the long-term. Forcing yourself to date is just a bad idea and almost never works. Focus on other aspects of life that need attention.

    I’ve been in a similar situation. Start by improving your surroundings. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy with your job or coworkers. Start here and make a change. Once you get security in your career, then move out of your parents’ nest and live an independent life. Making small life changes like this can really get you hooked. You’ll feel so good about yourself that you’re going to want to keep going. Your mind will be focused on the present needs and somewhere in all of this crazy new mess you might even bump into a great guy without ever expecting it!

    July 11, 2015 at 11:20 pm in reply to: Running away from myself #79664
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    Thank you all for great responses!

    Matt, I think you nailed it. I think seeing myself not standing still and instead “move forward”, perhaps not even in the right direction, helps me cope with it. It’s a weird feeling and I don’t know how to explain it. But in essence, it is simply avoiding going backwards and doing anything to make yourself believe that you’re out there doing things and you’re on some kind of path which hopefully leads to a greater good. It’s better than not doing anything and dwelling on depressive thoughts. You mentioned meditation and coincidentally I’ve been reading a lot about it lately and started to really consider it as of late. I’ll be watching that video you referenced!

    Axuda, I absolutely agree. These activities don’t really get me anywhere close to a long-term goal. They’re just an escape and I’m afraid that this escape is not going to be enough soon. The problem is I don’t really know what my goals are. I’ve accomplished a lot in my 30 years and I just don’t know what the next step is. So i’m just floating through life, wondering and waiting for something to happen. I do love my job but I wouldn’t blink an eye to quit and be on an trail for 4 months. What stops me is the responsible adult inside me. My hobbies are very closely associated with my profession and lately I find very little enthusiasm to work on hobby projects.

    Anita, I think I did away with most of my insecurities. I’ve always been afraid of what tomorrow can bring and doing things that are way out of my comfort zone allowed me to overcome this problem and feel very secure about myself and my abilities. However, there are other things. On the outside, I am very “macho” looking guy, but I am way too sensitive for a man. I don’t show it but it’s always been affecting me when i’m alone with myself. I find myself dwelling on negative things forever. I have terrible time coping with negativity from people close to me. It boggles my mind how someone close can do something bad towards me. It’s almost unbearable sometimes. But I’m learning to deal with it. That’s probably part of the problem in this ordeal.

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