Called the guy a boring fool, but still wants to go out with him? Sounds like there isn’t much respect from you or him.

Your horoscopes didn’t align? Don’t you think this is strange? This reads like he and his family is a nut basket and you should be happy that you’re not a part of it. This guy also seems to be in a hurry to get married. Honestly, you should be happy that this clown didn’t workout. I’m sorry but the horoscope thing had me cracking up. I can’t believe some people…

Don’t sweat it. Don’t date coworkers and like you just said yourself don’t have friendships with exs. 99% of the time it only lasts until one person either finds someone else or leaves because they’re hurting.

It’s really amazing to me how someone who has so much that many many others wish they had, attempts to ruin it all by bringing in a person from the past who clearly shouldn’t be in their present or future. Man, you have a loving wife and beautiful kids. Stop before you lose both. Do you honestly think your wife doesn’t see this as a problem? I’m 15 years younger than you and I learned enough to know that this is total BS that women say. It bothers her but she trusts you. Don’t lose this trust. You can “clear your name” by not playing tricks with an ex and your family, not by trying to have a friendship with someone who isn’t in your life for a good reason. If she had an ounce of respect for you she’d know to stay the hell away because you are married. But she clearly doesn’t. Seriously man, there are many men such as myself who wish they had what you have. Don’t be a… you know what… and blow it. Forget this woman.

I have been spending time with friends, but I feel so lonely. I know one of my needs is physical touch and I miss that SO SO much from a relationship. I had a nice conversation with a friend and started imaging what it would be like to be in a romantic relationship with him. I do not find him attractive, but we laughed and shared a good time.I tried to keep our communication ways open, but I decided to distance myself because I finally knew he isn’t the type of person that I want to be with, but i’m very very lonely.

I’m not going to suggest anything, but just wanted to say that feeling lonely doesn’t give you the right to play with someone’s feelings.

Sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to contact him because you want to but you’re convincing yourself that you don’t. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re over the breakup. I would suggest to let it go. You’re not in a relationship anymore and don’t owe anything to each other.

My ex left me saying that she loves me and i’m the most amazing man she’s ever been with. 4 months later i’m still devastated and she’s pretty happy doing whatever she’s doing. So having looked at her experience, I can probably say “go” because you’ll find somebody else. Nobody’s irreplaceable. I just hope you talked to him about this concerning you and tried to work it out before giving him the news. Communicating this is obviously important because it could just be a phase and you two just have to work it out.

However, I would also question if you actually love him. In my mind, love isn’t doubted or questioned. It sounds like you’re very attached to him, love his company and how he treats you, and you genuinely care for him and… perhaps mistake it for love? If i loved someone I’d never consider leaving them unless we absolutely couldn’t work something out. The thought wouldn’t even enter my mind. I’d also hope that you take away something from the relationship. Why did it fail or is failing? Because if you don’t clearly understand why you’ll likely be dealing with it again.

And finally, here is my perspective from personal experience of being on the receiving end of the same situation. I read the description of your bf and it resonated with me because that’s what my ex was telling about me when she left. I, like your bf, suffocated her with love. I think at the end of the day if you give your lover too much attention it basically fires right back at you. It’s actually more destructive to the relationship than arguments and fighting. It’s completely counter-intuitive but giving 100% of yourself to someone you love is going to hurt. Instead maybe try to focus on your own goals and your own image a bit more. I read somewhere about a study that showed people find their partner more attractive when they seem them do something that they excel at or love (being on a stage, public speaking, writing, etc). It basically rekindles the mystery and the sparks. So focus on yourself before focusing on your partner otherwise you’ll be suffocating them with love that you’re not giving yourself. Good luck to you and I really hope you work it out!

Yes. I feel exactly the same. I felt like this before but it’s much worse this time around. The first time was about 2 years ago. I ended up quitting my well-paid job, selling all of my belongings and leaving the country for a while to go on a backpacking trip (I walked across France & Spain). I came back a different person and was able to turn my life around. Unfortunately, I’ve done everything but move away from the city. I have so much bad history in the city where i live. I feel like i just exist here. Every time i go somewhere I run into someone i don’t want to see and it brings back a flood of memories it hurts to think about. My escape is my job where I can just ignore the thoughts that run in my head and stay busy. Otherwise i’m just stuck at home depressed over where my life is headed, which is nowhere. I’m reaching the point where I will just pack my stuff and leave all of this behind. I’m just in an anticipation of some big change in my life but i can’t seem to make the first step…

From personal experience and observation, most people don’t work on relationships anymore. We’ve essentially built our society on the idea of disposable relationships where fixing something is too much work and finding somebody else is easier. It’s really sad, but the notion these days is there is something better out there and many people end up getting divorced instead of making it work and wind up chasing their own tail in search of “the one” when in reality they either divorced them or left them behind years ago. You’d be surprised how many people compare their lives to Hollywood’s Shakespeare-esque dramatization of amazingly romantic and unrealistic relationships. Everyone drools over this and eventually start questioning their own relationships because they don’t match the TV screen. 5 years into a relationship and they ask “I love this person but not in love. Should i leave them?” Well, welcome to life. If you thought you were going to be in love for 50 years, then perhaps should also learn that the sky is blue. The grass always seems greener on the other side. I think this is the biggest reason marriages fail and relationships are abandoned.

I remember reading somewhere that those who were in one serious relationship and ended up marrying that person are really the ones in long-lasting marriages. Somehow we make a better bond in our first real relationship, especially if it’s sexual. The study claimed that every time we jumped from one relationship to another the chances of that new relationship working out are significantly lower than the previous. Frankly, I can attest to that. I know a lot of couples who couldn’t even get through a couple of years of marriage. And I have a few good friends in mid-30s who are happily married to their high school or college sweethearts.

One of those friends had once told me “Any two people can make a marriage work. It all depends on how much they both want it.” This is the best thing I’ve ever heard about marriage and I couldn’t believe it was coming from a friend who’s in my age group and not my parents’. However, the reality is when you’re jumping from one failed relationship to another you’re carrying over a lot of baggage (in shape of guilt, shame, hurt and etc) possibly without even being aware of it accumulating in your subconsciousness. At some point, when your heart is bleeding over yet another person you’ve lost, all of those other failed relationships start surfacing. This baggage doesn’t go away. Over time it just subsides and doesn’t hurt as much, but it’s still there and it dawns on you from time to time. The worst thing is that there is nothing normal about that, yet our society tells us that it is. So by the time we’re ready for settle down we’ve seen and hurt enough for 60 years ahead.

Our parents are probably a little better at marriage than our generation, but where i see the ultimate love and support is in our grandparents’ generation. My grandma, who was 100% blind and had trouble walking, was taking care of my bed-ridden grandfather as he was dying with terminal cancer. Under circumstances at the time, she cared for him completely alone for 2 months. This is boundless and deep love and I find it hard to believe that i’ll ever experience it, but i hope someday i will and so will you 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by TriangleSun.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by TriangleSun.