Forgive him for what? He probably blurted something out without giving it much thought. What a silly thing to be overreacting about to the point of thinking of a breaking up. I think you need to be realistic and set some healthy boundaries for your relationship.

I think there are many valid reasons to contact someone from your past. But I think it should be avoided in situations where that person mistreated you as in your case. This is the type of situation where you learn to forgive. Everyone goes through something like this but on different levels of severity. There is no need to tell that person you’ve forgiven them because they likely won’t understand and appreciate it. Believe me, in time it’ll catch up to this guy. Cheaters don’t just become loyal. He’ll probably cheat again and again and at some point it’ll start hurting. And maybe then he’ll reach out and ask for forgiveness. That’s when he’ll understand and appreciate it. Until then just forgive and find peace within yourself and let karma do the rest.

That is some awesome reflection right there, Jock! lol. Good stuff.

Great question. I think it’s very important to reflect and understand our relationships. It’s a great way to learn something about yourself and grow your character. I usually have a takeaway from every relationship. I don’t for the last one. It’s been a while, but I still don’t see a lesson here. I walked into it happy living a solo life. It felt incredibly freeing and liberating. I was content being alone and felt like my life would just take this route and i was fine with it. When my last relationship ended, I think it basically reinforced my belief that I am best left alone. I’ve been in some nightmarish relationships. The one before last one ended with me thinking I had developed Parkinson’s because my nervous system was just shot to pieces and i had terrible hand tremors after everything that had gone down. It’s an experience i would never wish upon my worst enemy. So, I don’t know. Perhaps this is it. If it isn’t, it was a lot of wasted time on someone who didn’t need me. It’d still be interesting to see some deeper meaning here, but in general I’ve put this experience and this person behind a long time ago.

Just when you said your situation was unique i realized that it’s 95% identical to mine. 🙂 I’m not gonna bother with mine but it gets better with time. Things will hurt less. Memories will become distant. At some point you’ll wonder if all of this happened to you. I know it hurts and feels terrible now, but on the bright side of things you’ve done all you could. No regrets. No what ifs. It’s the new year and new slate. Start healing and moving on.

Anita, the outdoors is exactly why I want to move to Seattle! I hike all over US but Seattle area’s been very special. It’s a big city with a small town charm at least that’s how i feel it. I love the mild and sunny summers and the beautiful colors of fall. I love the greenery and fresh air; the forests and the abundance of state parks. And the ocean… the beautiful and rugged NW coast… Can never get enough. You really live in one of the most beautiful states 🙂 I’ll either move there or i’ll just keep visiting 10 times a year like i do now ha ha. I’ll definitely let you know if i get out there!

Anita, I think the most important thing is that you realize that you did someone wrong. Their forgiveness would be icing on the cake, but you have to make the cake first. I think accepting your mistake, learning from it and forgiving yourself tramps everything else, even if you are not forgiven by the person you hurt. This might sound simple, but it isn’t. There are many many people out there who go through their life without realizing how much they hurt others even if you call them out on it. It boggles my mind how they don’t feel bad, but they don’t. It’s a terrible way to live a life.

By the way, I didn’t realize you’re from Seattle. It’s my favorite city! Been trying to move out there but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle the gloomy days 🙁

I think your sense of drift and pain from childhood are probably two separate issues and I don’t believe one is caused by another. I think everyone finds themselves drifting at some point and wandering if they’re sort of fulfilling their purpose or just existing. I’ve gone through it in my late twenties and have people around me in the same age group who are deeply disturbed and/or depressed over it. Nothing to do with abuse however I think this state of mind may be triggering memories of abuse and eventually makes you feel even worse.

I’m not sure how to help you but I can just tell you what helped me reset myself for a lack of a better term. I walked it off on a trail in Spain. It’s called the way of saint James and it’s an old Catholic trail that dates back hundreds of years. Most people who walk nowadays aren’t religious. A lot walk to just figure things out and find themselves. You can walk alone if you want or pair up with someone every couple of days. But there are hundreds of people on it every day of the year and every single person you meat share some of the most intimate details of their life. It’s like a big therapy session. Funnily enough, a judge in Madrid orders folks involved in minor crimes to walk this trail because the person who starts it is typically a different person when they finish it. It’s a little extreme, I understand. But I always say that if there is anything I can suggest to a person that isn’t only fun but very healing it’s to do this. It makes you look at life from a different angle. And hearing what others who crossed your path are going through and why they’re walking while sharing your story is the healing journey that allows you to reevaluate your life, make peace with your fears and just get your life back in general.