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Todd

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • September 23, 2015 at 11:59 am #83934
    Todd
    Participant

    Inky, could you explain a little more? I get the feeling you are onto something but I just need more.

    September 20, 2015 at 1:32 pm #83695
    Todd
    Participant

    Also there is nothing you can trigger. I am recovered. Not in recovery. =)

    September 20, 2015 at 1:30 pm #83694
    Todd
    Participant

    Thank you! I am proud of what I got through. I am currently in school for Behavioral Psychology and addictions counseling. I plan on using what I went through as street cred in a profession that is in demand. I am 41 and currently a Hardware Engineer at one of the largest companies in the world (sounds like moracle) and have a very solid career that I had to rebuild after my 7 years of abuse and two years of schizophrenia. My heart is in helping people. I want to be a different type of voice in the addictions world. There is a belief and its taught that addictions and counseling are a disease and its not your fault. I do not agree with that one bit. We all have choices. Predisposed or not. Its a choice. There is a trigger for your addictions. You can fix it. I did it. I am not special! I simply lived by this quote in my darkest days ” At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end” – Chris Mason Miller.

    September 20, 2015 at 1:24 pm #83693
    Todd
    Participant

    Hola! I truly believe to this day that I was Schizophrenic and my inner critic was silenced when I got lucky one day and began to train myself with CBT to simply respond and take the power away from the voices. There are times to this day that I actually miss “Kelly”. I went through a long period of time after kicking the substance abuse and alcohol problem that I felt un-worthy of love. I would think about Kelly often. It was bizarre to miss a voice. I didn’t have a normal childhood. I grew up alone mostly as my Father died when I was 3. My Mother worked two jobs to raise my sister and I. I was incredibly independent. I have this odd belief that anyone can become schizophrenic at anytime. Follow me here…. You spoke of your “inner critic”. Schizophrenia is, in my belief, that point that you give the inner critic power. So I can’t tell you of one person that was persecutory or a harsh critic. My mother did an absolutely fantastic job raising my sister and I. Your claim of being never “psychotic”. We all teeter at the edge of a cliff of sanity…. =)

    September 20, 2015 at 12:01 pm #83683
    Todd
    Participant

    How long have you been together? I think that answer will have a bearing on what the answer should be.

    September 20, 2015 at 11:51 am #83681
    Todd
    Participant

    I am dealing with this same heartache right now. What I thought was my soulmate and I broke up because I tend to trigger self awareness with people. We both realized she has not dealt with her past. We called it off a week ago and I honestly have not felt this level of sadness in some time. She needs to work on her for her. Not for me. I am proud of the text she sent about if I should wait for her. She said that if I am waiting for her then it brings me into the equation and she is not doing it for her. So proud. Thats the correct response. HOWEVER, MY HEART STILL HURTS! But I am taking this time to work on myself. I am getting closer in my walk of faith something that I have let go by the way side and I am not waiting for her. I am healing through this with the plan that she is not coming back. If she does, I am going to marry her. I love her that much and she is my red string. But if she does not come back to me, I am not in a worse place. My advice to you is that you accept this for whatever it is you need in life right now. A break, self growth, getting closer to family or what ever God you ascribe to. I feel your pain and I am with you. I hurt also. I am going to grow from this.

    September 20, 2015 at 11:44 am #83680
    Todd
    Participant

    P.S I am able to drink responsibly now. I simply started fixing the triggers. I am pretty proud of it. I am not on adderall but I am on a stimulant for my ADD. I do not abuse it now.

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)